My Birthday is Coming Up June 3

I am in a very strange family...part of the family is very close knit and closed shut and won't admit anyone in except, it seems, blood relatives. They have parties and go on adventures and then send me pictures of what they do...but they don't invite me. Or my husband, and he is a blood relative. They just had a great birthday party for someone else and sent me photos -- to rub it in, I guess.

Bizarre.

Thank God for friends.

I have some close friends that will honor me for getting a year older if nothing else.

Rain

I must be in tune with the Earth.

I get real sick when it clouds up and rains.

Aches and pains. Congestion.

And tears falling

Just like the water from the sky.

Clouds in my head.

I don't call anyone

On the phone,

I stay home alone

And wait for it to pass.

~

I am glad the sun has returned.

My joy and love returned this morning.

I am healed.

(I was always healed

I just didn't know it

In the moment.)

But this too shall pass, huh?

Just like the rain clouds.

[Sigh]

Traffic

I have another rant.

Those drivers who tailgate me in an attempt to make me drive faster...

When they get tired of driving on my back bumper (the speed limit--hint hint) and yank their cars into another lane at a high rate of speed, they see cars in front of me in all lanes going slower than I was. What do they want? They want me to jump over the cars in front of me? I don't see them doing that.

This is especially annoying in the work zones where NOBODY obeys the speed limits anyway. What do they think the slower speeds are for? Might it be for everyone's safety...including their own? I don't think driving over a highway worker would make their day, but you never know.

The big semi-trucks on I-40 are the worst offenders. They get so close to the back of my car that you can't even see their headlights. I get trapped in a rolling box of semi's and they expect me to what???? Fly???

Okay, another thing. Don't those idiots, who speed through the 35 and 45 mile an hour zones in city traffic racing up to the red light only to stop abruptly in the exact same place as the people going the speed limit, know that pushing on the gas pedal to go faster in between red lights USES UP MORE GAS????

Driving at high speeds, especially over the limit by 10 or 20 miles per hour also uses up more gasoline...it takes more gas to get the engine to go faster especially at speeds over 60 miles per hour... the amount you use increases exponentially the faster you go. (Look it up.)

So, you blankety-blank stupid drivers -- get off my bumper and do everyone a favor -- including yourselves -- drive slower and at least pretend to be courteous, and don't use so much frickin' gasoline, it costs enough as it is and it's becoming a limited resource. Where you gonna speed to when it's gone?

Thank you. Good night.
Sandy Schairer, Writer

Writers on Scientology

I know I'm trying to advertise my poetry and short story book on my blog, and this sort of rant might not be the best way to do that...

But first and foremost I am a writer. I'm a writer who finds ideas wildly interesting and has to throw her two cents worth in every now and then for the sake of keeping the freedom of thought, belief and written word alive if for no other reason.


First of all, I want to go on record as saying that the first thing a repressive government/society does when they set out to control people's minds and limit their freedom is to silence the writers. This is proven to be true if you study history even cursorily.

Secondly, I want everyone to know that as long as there are blogs and bloggers continually writing thousands of opinions about thousands of subjects, there is NO WAY the government is going to shut up writers in this country.

Not unless they pull the plug on the entire Internet. I think we are a long way from that. I hope.

Even then, we'll find a way. We can speak our material if there is no paper or electronic way to jot it all down. From our minds to your ears.

So look out--here we go--what was the topic? OH YEAH...

I listened to most of the interview posted on the web in early April of Jason Beghe, the actor who was a Scientologist for14 years, and left the organization claiming they drove him "fucking crazy." Well, he certainly proves his point about being crazy. He rambles and appears confused quite often.

However, he does have some seriously lucid moments and valuable information about Scientology or at least his experience of it. I find it amazing that he still speaks with the jargon of the training and mentions the concepts as if the average person will have a clue what they are, being concepts completely contained within the teaching of Scientology. He's been out of the church for a year already.

Secondly, I appreciate him for coming forth with some information hitherto kept in secret by Scientology. The renegades from Mormonism and other secret organizations have also revealed some of the more strange practices that had been kept secret for years. As far as we know, this type of disclosure has and will keep some people from joining organizations that by reputation have been allegedly preventing freedom of thought if nothing else.

Okay. So what I decided after thinking about Jason's webcast interview (or is that webcasted?) is: Do we -- as innocent bystanders with nothing at stake -- have the right to stop people who voluntarily choose to be brainwashed?

Sure, Nazism comes to mind first. If a mass of people are going to be brainwashed and kill thousands of innocent people, we do need to step in sooner or later in the name of human rights, and heck, just doing the right thing. We stepped in and stopped Hitler because he was creating a Holocaust.

Strange that when China and other countries have and are doing the same thing--purging their countries of unwanted peoples, we haven't done a damn thing as Americans. Hmmm...

In addition, we do find many people in our society showing up to be brainwashed by other organizations than Scientology that have our full nationalistic support...take the military for example. People join and go through training, much like Scientology training--not pleasant but necessary to get from point A to point B alive. The "brainwashing" of soldiers is necessary for national security and other acts of war -- umm, to protect and serve. We count these people, especially the ones that give their lives for the cause, as HEROES. I can't say I haven't known a few, some close relatives of mine, for that matter.

One would think that if anyone (even a brainwashed person, who voluntarily submits to cruel and harsh treatment) would sooner or later realize that they no longer wish to participate -- they can stop, get out, leave, change their minds.

We can still do that in America. At least for awhile.

(The people who relate this to an abused/battered woman who stays with and/or returns to the perpetrator time and time again, has no ability to break away, have a point. But unless she's under the bed wrapped in chains with lock and key, there are many opportunities for women and even children in these situations to realize their plight, desire to change it, and find ways out. Just watching ordinary television one sees the public service announcements about this sort of thing. It's not easy, but doable, help is all around. Go for it!)

I am not saying that these cults that keep members separate from the rest of the world & shut off from all knowledge and experience with other people and information who are taught that unusual things are "normal," should continue. Like those cults they have uncovered and dispersed in Texas (which still exist in NM, by the way.)

But who are we protecting? Are we protecting them? From what? Are we protecting us from them? How? It seems to me that we are protecting them from themselves. That makes no sense. (I would never condone child abuse and a secret, separatist society or organization within a larger culture is still subject to the laws of the land. I think having sex with children whether you perform a marriage ceremony first or not, is still a horrible thing to do. We must stop this sort of thing.) Nonetheless, the pain caused by separating mothers and children is real pain and hurts all of us, not just those few individuals who have to endure it. A solution must somehow be reached ASAP for the sake of everyones mental health and peace of mind, past, present and future.

As much as I am glad that Jason Beghe came forward and told his story about joining, participating, and then leaving Scientology, I am sure someone will attempt to invalidate his personal experience. After all, if he had been a big success--it's would have been because of Scientology (like he said) and since he wasn't, well, they can always point out that he failed because he is failure-material--not cut out for Scientology. He left because he couldn't cut it...much like the soldiers that get drummed out because they are cowards--not sensitive young men and woman who realize being shot at or living in fear that they will be shot and/or having to shoot at other people drives them crazy.

I don't have a conclusion. I can't see a clear "right" or "wrong" here. We can debate this over and over from every angle but we are definitely in a conundrum -- preserving human rights might require we violate human rights to do it.

Now what?
_________________________________________________
Aside: I haven't an information about Scientology. But I am familiar with L. Ron Hubbard who was first and foremost a science fiction writer. Doesn't that sort of send up a red flag when you think of people starting a religion based on his writings? I can't say Scientology is bad or wrong. I just wonder at their use of psychological means to educate their members while bad-mouthing psychology. Life is stranger than fiction, isn't it?

The Vault of the Poeteer -- Buy with PayPal

Book Signing at Hastings on Tramway and Candelaria
April 11, 2008
Those of you in Albuquerque come and have
The Vault of the Poeteer
autographed by the author (ME!!!)
in person
between 5:30 and 9:30 PM

Others can contact me at
sandyliz@juno.com
for information on ordering the book in the mail or
buying the book NOW with PayPal

Happy Easter to the Family

Nearly a year has passed since you had a stranger reject us from your MasterMind Prosperity group, and effectively, from your life.

While it is true that a person's emotional reaction to something IS their own responsibility, that does not let everyone off the hook regarding their own behavior and/or dealing with the results of their behavior whether it was intended or not. We are all responsible for what we do and pretending it has no consequences is foolish.

You said you don't have to feel responsible nor to apologize because you didn't "intend" to hurt me. But I felt hurt and your hostile reaction to MY reaction was even more hurtful and incomprehensible than the original action.

Everything a person does does effect others--in fact, "they" say, it effects the whole Universe, like a ripple effect of throwing a pebble in a pond. "They" also say that you get back consequences from your actions and attitudes, like it or not.

So those two factors would seem to point towards taking responsibility more than trying to "worm-out" of things with hostile emails telling me to shut-up, threatening me with even more hostility, and finally giving both of us the royal silent treatment.

Sorry, but those reactions don't seem any "better" than my reaction to being hurt and becoming sad and angry and consequently being forced to deal with it all on my own.

~

Not that there is a "right or wrong" at play here in Reality. There's just LOVE. So "they" say.

~

And quite frankly your love for us is just "love-on-paper." You send us cards and notes signed with love but that's as far as it goes. It's not love in deed nor in attitude.

Frankly, you don't seem to care about us, love not withstanding, about our lives and how we feel and how we are doing. We understand that message, but what is this payback for since all we've done for your over the years was done with an attitude of love, caring and good intentions?


It seems that you have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, as "they" say.


I might be only a stepmother but I did consider myself a real family member for the last 20 years, and I lament the loss of that even it was a fantasy in my own mind.

I might have overcome my feelings, forgiven everything, and returned to a state of love...


But that doesn't mean I can trust you with my heart.


Happy Easter anyway. Love, Sandy

Author Reviews of The Vault of the Poeteer

The Vault of the Poeteer
write SandyLiz@juno.com for further information

A Sample from The Vault of the Poeteer

Please scan down to the next post and see some of the poems from The Vault of the Poeteer.

Of course it doesn't show the wonderful photo-based artwork that illustrates the poems.

Definition of Poeteer: Similar to a musketeer. A poet warrior who runs forth into the world of battle waving the banner of poetry.

To find out more about the book and ordering a copy, please email me at SandyLiz@juno.com

Thanks, Sandy

Introduction

What is said of art can be said of poetry. “I don’t know art, but I know what I like.” A poet is necessary for poetry, readers optional. However, when a poet (or an ordinary person for that matter) writes a poem, she shares herself−thoughts & feelings, yes−but also a specific time and place with a specific viewpoint and setting. Without someone to share with, sharing is a misnomer at best.

A poem exists in the time/space continuum as a fixed entity. A person reading a specific poem will find it resonating with themselves in the exact same time & space and feeling & thought level the poet was in at the time she wrote the poem, much like a song. However, this makes a poem even more specific while at the same time making it universal. Poems speak for the poet and to the reader in a highly personal way, thus becoming more specific while expanding in relevance.

At any rate, poetry is a literary form as ancient as the hills. Bards of old sang poetry before people could read. It was their history and religion as well as education and entertainment. Poetic thought can exist outside of language, hence was probably used by the cave men − their pictures on the cave walls are their poetic language. We read their hearts, minds and souls when we view petroglyphs.

Just as there is art for the sake of art, there’s poetry for the sake of poetry. For all the wordsmiths, my fellow poets and authors, and people for whom these poems resonate, I give you my poems and heart/mind/soul − no longer locked in a vault but here to be read and experienced.

So, that said, enjoy these offerings from The Vault of the Poeteer,

Sandy Schairer

Poetry as Therapy?

I hope it is just not psychiatric "therapy"

That ordinary poetry therapy aims to be.

A poem is a feeling that comes from – ME !

I feel it, I write it, I change it, oh my,

But the words do come to me by and by

Helping me say what when I didn't know why.

All people are creative along with God Himself.

We can't just use our minds,

Leave our feelings on a shelf.

So get out there, open up and be someone -- yourself!

Therapy or not, write from inner grace.

Put the words on paper or out in cyberspace.

Ssend them out into the world to find their perfect place.

Write them on your own for yourself alone.

Read them in secret, on a stage or a phone.

Find where they flow from − blood, gut and bone.

Feel the rhythm, feel the words.

Yes. Poetry’s for people, not for cats & birds.

And it's simply not only for all us literary nerds.

~

Being Here

Being alive, here and now, sometimes hurts.

I wanted life to be always fun,

To be exciting and joyful,

Every moment 24/7, 364 and a ¼ days and nights a year

Year in and year out for my duration.

Breathing in beauty

Exhaling and starting again

Learning

Tasting

Chasing

Falling and jumping up

Again to run

Just for fun.

Laughter.

And seriousness

(When it’s called for)

But good, and real, and happy.

Where do we catch happiness?

Did we dream it up?

If so–what woke us and made it go?

Must we continue to feel pain and hurt and fear and anger

And --– no no no don’t make me say it --–

grief?

Me, Myself and I

When I see myself

Through others eyes

I don’t like myself

On their behalf.

I think maybe

I ought to have a really belly laugh.

But when I see myself, my life,

Through my own mind and eye

I love me.

I love myself,

The ever-present I.

I am smart

And I am pretty

Though now older and wrinkling.

Might be thick in the middle

But still sharp on top, I’m thinking.

I’m awake and I’m aware

I have feelings, too,

Wow. How I DO care.

My wisdom might be born of

Trial and error, true

But also of regrets

Yes, I’ve known a few.

I’m comfortable as ME now.

I’m glad I’ve gotten to know

“Me” as someone still willing

To learn, to love and to grow.

E.A. Poe: Poet

I used to love the poet
Edgar Allen Poe,
The way he had his sounds
All lined up in a row.
His clanging and banging

Of bells galore,
And a raven who sat
On the top of his door
And when the clock chimed
Would say “Nevermore”

I thought his hard life
Made his talents more sharp,
But his teenaged dead bride
Made his view sort of dark.
A lot of his problem was
Drugging and drink,
It drained his life’s blood
And beauty, I think

And now what’s a poet?
A silly old woman
Who sits with a pen
And tries to stay human.
Are poems ever read?
It’s all mystery adventure
Like Da Vinci Code
And works of joint venture.

So I'll bid Poe farewell
Go soak in the bath
And scatter some poems
On my own writing path.

Nevermore? Is That Your Final Answer?

Evolution?

Animals have very few questions to answer in life.

They have to decide

“Can I eat it?”

And if so, “When?”

Or, “Will it eat me first?”

“Oh, I hope not.”

And “Can I mate with it?”

And if so, “How soon?”

And a few other important things such as

“Is it time to fight,

Or can I lie down now?”

And the big one is always, “Where’s the water?”

Humans are much the same.

Only we wrap up all these choices

In multitudes of detail.

We celebrate every holiday and special event

With food and eating.

And tangle up our sexuality with

Traditions such as

Dating, courting, weddings and marriages.

And the ever-popular divorce.

But life all boils down to the same

Questions within our instincts

“Should I eat now or can I fuck first?”

(Or would that be “make love?”)

And always ask, “Must I fight or can I take it easy now?”

And of course, there would be no life on this planet

If we didn’t answer the question,

“Where’s the water?”

Regardless of how much fine wine

there is in the world.

Life as a Motion Picture

How elegant

Is our suffering.

We really get-off on it, huh?

Exquisite pain.

Watch me squirm.

Hear me cry and moan.

Awww, aren’t I The perfect

Victim?

I win the Academy Award.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Time’s up

Drag me off.

Where’s my next movie?

What’s my next role?

Any plot this time?

Nah.

Didn’t think so.

 From Eve to Me to Infinity

Eli Stone is GREAT

I just watched the new show Eli Stone with Jonny Lee Miller.

It's good. I love it. Please please everybody watch it so they don't cancel it. Please. GIVE IT A CHANCE...it's corny but so so right.

Miller was really good. The story line was great. And I love the metaphysical, mystical approach.

Good job!!! Thank you.

The Vault of the Poeteer

My new book is NOW available. Please contact me at SandyLiz@juno.com to own this book!!!
I'll let you know the address to write to me...author and publisher.
It's $16.95 by mail which includes shipping & postage
(and any tax applicable.)

New Book Coming Out

Soon to be released:

The Vault of the Poeteer

by Sandy Schairer

Original poetry and photo-based art

Christmas Celebration/Traditions: Christian or Pagan?

Some one forwarded to me an article that Christmas was getting too crass and commercialized and urged people to be "judgmental" and not participate. It stated that Christmas was a Christian holiday that was started to obliterate the pagan traditions.

WAS IT? (see this site: www.massmoments.org/moment.cfm?mid=369)

I think most of the Christmas traditions are taken directly from the pagan ways. They have little to do with the birth of Christ.

The above link described how "Christmas" celebrations were deemed to be too pagan in nature and were outlawed in the early United States. When it was lifted, people began to celebrate in the old traditions they had brought here from the old countries, adapting the pagan traditions into Christian Christmas.

Pagan traditions were incorporated in my home and family tradition when I was growing up...Yule log, burning a Bayberry Candle all night Xmas Eve, mistletoe, wreathes and garlands of evergreen (not to mention the tree,) cornucopia of fruit and nuts plus the individual stocking full of nuts and fruit.

Heck, Santa Claus is adapted from the Holly King -- a pagan god or at least a holiday Druid, we predates Christianity. (remember pagan and Christian lived side by side for several hundred years -- Christianity not taking over until about 400 or 500 AD or later in some places.)

I have always enjoyed the season without buying into the commercialism. I like to give people presents and don't do it out of obligation or over spend just to impress people. I like to make things for people or do something fun like one year giving all the adults children's toys and gifts. That was a hit.

I also like to get presents. Receiving a gift makes people feel special and appreciated. We have so few occasions when we give people gifts. It's fun if we choose to make it fun and put something of ourselves and our love and care into them. And it is gratifying to have someone remember you with a token of appreciation for all the love and support you have given them over the year. And vice versa.

I do agree that the commercials on TV and all the holiday special events are a bit boring and overdone. But that is not just at Christmas, it's all holidays now. Even Superbowl Sunday! It's up to the individual not to buy into the hype.

And it's also up to every individual to put the spirituality into an occasion in their own way (and be able to leave it out if they want.) In other words instead of just being outspokenly judgmental about it, people ought to just turn their backs on what other people do and/or try to pressure them to do and just celebrate individually in their own way within their own families with love and joy.

So Happy Christmas and Joyous Yule and whatever holiday you choose to celebrate this winter!!!

SADNESS

What is sadness besides a feeling? A feeling is sometimes an emotion, and emotions are movement of energy through your heart, head and body.

Sadness is the difference between what you want and what you got.

Sadness is longing for something you can't have.

Sadness is missing something you wish you had--still, again, or ever.

Sadness is being aware you're not where, or when, you want to be.

Sadness can indicate these things and also feelings of inadequacy or futility...based on a perceived gap between wanting something and your abilities to manifest it.

Grief is a stronger, more overwhelming feeling of sadness based on loss or accumulated losses. While it encompasses some or all of the above situation, it may also include regret, guilt, and denial.
~Sandy Schairer

_________________________________________________

Coming soon--my new book--The Vault of the Poeteer, a look at my life in verse and photo.

October Celebration

I was lucky to celebrate Halloween for more than a week this year

Halloween--All Hallow's Eve, Day of the Dead or All Sou's Day followed by All Saints Day--the ancient spiritual holiday of Samhain from the Irish pagan traditions. Samhain is pronounced Sow-win.

I went on the Ghost Tour in Old Town (Albuquerque) on a Tues. night the week before Halloween, and found out about all the ghost roaming around in my town. It was exciting. (I forgot my camera. Excuse to go again.)

Sunday at our little Unity church, our minister did a Samhain visualization -- picturing our previous generations--parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and then our kids. Blessing and healing and releasing. It was very nice. I "saw" my parents youthful and dancing together.

Monday, my husband and I went to hear a local channeler Betsy Morgan Coffman who channels Orion, I believe. She had as her guest the local medium Melissa. They told us some true ghost stories of their own, and then took questions from the floor about the participants dearly departed. When Betsy told one woman that she saw her grandfather in a boat fishing and the woman said, no, he hadn't been a fisherman--I knew it was my grandfather Jack...he was from a long line of fisherman on the water--ancestors from Isle of Man and The Great Lakes and rivers everywhere, retired to Florida. He is fishing in his Heaven. God bless him.

Tues. I had a massage. How elegant. What a favor to myself!!!

Wed. Halloween, I went to a 12-step meeting and studied step 8. It was like a miracle, hearing from the other people who sounded like they were reading my mind while relating similar situations and sharing their strength and hope with me. It was an exciting gift.

I also went to drumming at Center for Spiritual Living Wednesday. It was me and a couple of other middle-aged ladies and a gay man who passion in life is MUSIC. He played the big drum LOUD. I had an Indian drum from Taos, one lady had a wooden drum--also Indian style, and one lady was playing the bongos! It was mystical. Relaxing. I wore my feathered mardi gras mask I brought home from New Orleans a few years ago. I was hiding from evil spirits on Halloween in costume. My witch costume, which I am in all the time. We drum for love and peace and healing Mother Earth every week. It was special that day.

I fell asleep early on Halloween night. And every day I went someplace I got to eat out...tons of salad!!! YES. I'm addicted to salad.

Thurs. I went to a presentation at UNM Continuing Ed: Celtic Ancestral Wisdom lead by Maya Sutton. What a fabulous bunch o real Bards!!! Dressed in authentic ancient Celtic garb, reciting poems and story-telling old legends, dramatic readings, fiddle and harp music and flute, they were wonderful!!! With a slide show of pictures and traditional refreshments for Samhain: pork stew, sliced apples, Rosemary on roasted nuts and bread. After the presentation, we all took part in the ceremony for Samhain at the end which was an authentic ceremony not a dramatic or educational event. It was very moving. I was glowing when I left.

Fri. my honey and I went to the movies and ate two tubs of popcorn! Now celebrating with food & over-eating is a very American Holiday Tradition, can't leave that one out!

Sat. I went to a poetry workshop and wrote some cool poems.

I think this was one of the best holiday seasons I have ever spent. Grateful for the harvest. Letting go of summer, looking forward to the dark and cold winter season. And being in communion with those on the other side of the veil during the very week that the veil is thinnest for us mortals.

Happy Halloween, Blessed Samhain, Happy New Year.

Love, Sandy

My Answer to SHUT UP

Family Trauma Unsolved

I thought I'd post my current understanding and lessons the incident last Easter has brought to me so far. It's sort of an open letter to my husband's family--namely his son and daughter-in-law, but since they are never going to see this, it doesn't really matter. They have closed their hearts and minds to facing this situation and/or helping us face it.

If you have had problems in your life with older or younger family members, perhaps this will be beneficial to your understanding too.

First of all it has been most baffling. We have always loved, generously supported and encouraged our kids not to mention helping them when they were having troubles in life, and their have been a number of difficulties. It was a terrible shock to realize that they can't seem to pull it together enough to return the attitude of loving & caring, and generosity. That has been a big disappointment to say the least. I realize today that kids are not grateful, anymore than they have ever been in any period of history. But I thought that our kids were different than that.

It's all centered around a MasterMind group with a couple of other people. The one woman was a close close friend of ours that we treated like a sister. She had been in an active social relationship with us for a number of years; a relationship that included abundance consciousness and prosperity thinking as well as financial and other support (we gave her a substantial loan to start a business a number of years ago which she has not paid back yet.) She told my husband about a workshop she'd been too, was enthusiastic and encouraged him to go. He took his son (who was working with him in the business) and his son's wife. The group was started locally to continue the growth and prosperity thinking generated by this workshop.

I was invited to come along with my husband to the first MasterMind group which was for the purpose of setting up the group and group goals, etc. I was surprised that they included me but I was very happy about it. I felt included, loved and supported and was willing to give them back all the love and support we all generated with this group. And I was looking forward to learning from them as we all advanced our business and prosperity consciousness and activities.

We had a couple of meetings -- maybe three --and I was thrilled with the power of the group. I was filled with joy to be in a close relationship of give and take with these people, especially our family. I was so encouraged I began to think about starting my own business (I am in the writing field and wanted to start a publishing company) even tho I am at the age when there is little I can really do in the employment area.

The group meant a great deal to my husband and to me also, since we are approaching retirement age and had very little to look forward to as far as new and exciting career possibilities, at least by ourselves. But this group gave us the loving support (we thought) to look to the future with expectation, excitement and renewed hopefulness and excitement. It was also, we thought, a way to be more involved with our friend and our younger generation in a more spiritual way.

What happened then was a big shock that we has still not understood or come to grips with. The stranger (to us) in the group called me the day before the next scheduled meeting and basically told me that the group talked about me behind my back, took a vote and decided to remove me from the group. I was shocked and devastated. I told her these were our family, even our friend who was like a sister to us, and we had a long history with them with support and sharing many other issues than just financial. Their basic bottom-line was they felt "uncomfortable" with me there since I hadn't attended the workshop. (Even tho it was partially my generosity that allowed them to go to the workshop in the first place.)

After feeling totally disrespected and rejected by this woman, I became angry. Now, I am not an angry person. I am usually a caring, loving, forgiving person who bends over backwards to try to get along and wouldn't think of hurting anyone's feelings on purpose. But this cut me to a level that totally enraged me. I think it had to do with having a stranger call and brush me off on their behalf without a word from any of them. In fact, I had seen my stepson several times in the days prior to this event and he didn't act like anything was any different. And I spoke with our close friend the night before this, and she didn't act like anything was any different either, never mentioned a thing. Basically they were ignoring the situation to save themselves further discomfortable.

So after this unexpected, shocking phone call, I simply said, "OK," and hung up. I didn't attack this person at all, altho I think she was instrumental in further developments and most likely encouraged these people to cut us out of their lives and handle the whole situation with the silent treatment; and possibly gave them the idea it was okay not to deal with the situation except from a self-centered point of view. I can't imagine on what planet that is good plan...ignore the problem and the person who is making you uncomfortable and everything will be fine? I don;'t think so. I don't think she has a clue as to how she destroyed our family and our lives.

Then my first reaction was to question my husband if he knew about this? The first thing I distinctly said was, "Did you know about this? If you're in on this, I am divorcing you right now!" He was as shocked as I was, though his son had mentioned to him (not me) that the group was uncomfortable with me being there and they were thinking of asking me to leave the group. (They could have come to me with their concerns but they chose NOT to do it in a kind way, not even face to face.) The point is, my husband and I were part of the group by then, and a group decision should have included us, not gone behind our backs in a cowardly way.

Now if you are not familiar with the MasterMind principles, you need to look it up on the internet and see the steps...they are basically having to do with sharing hope and spirituality with a group of other people to help them attain their aspirations and goals in life based on love and spirit. You would think that people who wanted to be in a group like a MasterMind group would be willing to extend their spirit and love.

The rest of that weekend my husband and I were devastated and heart-broken. He said at one point, he felt like he had died. It was perhaps the biggest jolt I have ever had in my life. Even with my ex-husband who treated me terribly it was not hidden and sneaky, it was in-my-face cruel from a sick man and I didn't expect better behavior from him. I always knew he was incapable of loving, caring behavior, and I was able to divorce him and not stay a victim of his abuse and lack of care & love. It's not that easy to divorce your kids and grandkids, especially when you love then and want to have a harmonious family life to make the last decades of your life enjoyable with love and caring family.

Next, I got an email insisting that these people didn't "intend" to hurt me, that they "loved" me. I didn't buy that, because it certainly didn't feel like love. I let them know that I was hurt and angry. And basically the whole situation escalated to them attacking me for having feelings. They think since they didn't intend to hurt someone, that they are obviously not responsible for the resulting hurt.

I tried to explain that even if you don't do something to someone on purpose to hurt them, you can still care about their feelings and apologize as a way to show you care. What if I had been hit by a car and had my leg broken? Because they weren't personally to blame for running over me, then they couldn't say they were sorry I was hurt? That's ridiculous. We can use any situation to show that we care about someone and their feelings no matter what we did or didn't do or how we did it.

They were unable to do that. When I tried to explain my feelings, I was continually verbally attacked (on email) by my stepson's wife and finally blamed, threatened, and told to SHUT UP.

I think this is appalling way to treat another person, let alone an older family member. It is a serious discrepancy between believing you are a loving, spiritual person and being unable to be kind & compassionate let alone spiritual and loving. How can a person reconcile that kind of behavior that is inconsistent with their belief systems? That's just not honest.

We were basically kicked out