Ed

My husband passed away June 6th, just before his birthday. I miss him very very much.

My Recent Ordeals

Hi. I've been gone a long time. I took a class the end of July about psychic readings and spirit guides (mine has always been Jesus and also Virgin/Mother Mary). The next day after that weekend I came down with a cold. The next weekend I came down with a high fever I thought was the flu. I took my temp and lay down on the bed. My husband came to see me 15 mins. so I thought and I told it was dangerously high 103, and I should prob. go to the hospital. He told me later that was 4 days later. I have no memory of that nor the ride to the ER.

I was in a drug induced coma, entubed, and given massive antibiotics for months to fight this superbacteria Strep 2 of Strep B. They are usually fatal.

I came to, so to speak, when they were ready to remove the second tube from my lungs. My son and his "wife" were there beside the bed. My husband was out in the hall, I guess. I was trying to speak and tell them this was going to be AWFUL in case they wanted to leave the room, but I couldn't speak or write, I was totally weak. They did remove the tube and I threw up a few times and later I was allowed to drink water.

I had been in intensive care, I remember a woman doctor or nurse in green scrubs coming in to see me. I remember a lot of different rooms they took me to. At Lovelace you always have a roommate and never seem to have the same RN or Tech more than once. I didn't eat. Was hallucinating from meds, I guess.
I remember a Tech named Deja who made me get used to sitting up and I gave him an autographed copy of my book of poetry and he sat and read it and said, This is my favorite and read aloud to me. I was very grateful to him.

I had the infection in my spine which required 2 spinal surgeries, it went into my heart and damaged 2 valves and then to my brain and gave me a minor stroke.

After I got my consciousness back, I was transferred across the street to Kindred, the hospital for recuperation. I cried and cried (depressed). I was NOT thrilled with having PT and having to get up and try to work on my walking. But the PT ladies were very kind and encouraging and nice. I went to sleep one night and woke up blind in my rt. eye but that cleared up finally, something about the liquid in my eyeball. And one of my legs is shorter than the other, so I am getting special shoes with one lift of one and a quarter inch so I can walk without limping or on the tips of my toes on one foot.

I went home and did well for a week or three, my cousin Christine came to visit me from Delaware. And then I started to get to the point I couldn't breathe. I had to go see a cardiologist--a young Native American woman. She is wonderful but she told me I had to get the valves replaced in my heart. I cried because I do not like surgery or hospitals.

She sent me to see the surgeon for Lovelace and for some reason he didn't like me (thought I was a big sissy and would cry and complain, which was absolutely right!) He told me to exercize and get in shape which I did for a month or more.

Then I started to fade into weakness and shortness of breath. So I went back and thought he would schedule my surgery but he told me (and my husband, so I wasn't hallucinating) that he was going to ask my cardiologist to recommend another surgeon.

We left and called NM Heart Institute for the next cardiosurgeon available and went to meet Dr. Gerety. He scheduled my surgery for a few days (11 maybe) and I went in on Jan. 19. Since my other organs needs stabilizing like kidneys, I had to wait until Jan. 23rd for the surgery. Surgery is a snap. You get pushed into the room, lifted onto a table, put
to sleep and you don't remember a thing for four days.

The Heart Hospital of NM was wonderful except for the RN's or PT's who abducted me out of chair and forced me to "walk" with a walker I was not used to while they were pushing and pulling on me down the hall. The whole time I was screaming and shouting that I couldn't walk, I had not been able to walk when I got the hospital--I have severe arthritis in my right hip.

They shouted threats and judgements at me and scared the heck out of me. After that, if anyone mentioned walk I would burst into tears. Yes, I did squeal on them and they left me alone. I finally got up to walk insisting I had to do it with my own walker and be able to rest when I wanted and walk as far as I decided and to get to go back. I had also threatened to call my lawyer since I know my patient rights. The rule is, tho, you can't go home unless you walk at least to the toilet. So with the docs and RN's and PT standing by I shuffled over to the bathroom in my slippers and I got to come home.

I signed on Heritage Home Care for PT and OT and home RN.
They came a week and I had to return to the heart hospital to get the fluids drained from inside me. So when I got back home, they came back and taught me how to get around and how to walk and do things in the kitchen and bathtub. They were wonderful. Encouraging. I am very grateful. It was Karen, Carol and Ellen. The night after they were finished coming I fell on my left side. Luckily nothing was broken, just bruised. So that's fine. Still a little worried about falling, but doing better. Fear helps nothing.

My husband has been fixing most meals for me. But I am able to lie down in bed and breathe again...I still need oxygen and it drops down when I move or walk. Hopefully my lungs will improve in capacity and I can get off oxygen.

I am doing much much better. I had many many friends and relatives praying for me as well as many angels sent to be with me by Betsy Coffman. So I am thankful to them and God for my survival.

Love, Sandy (Comments invited.) I've lost 50 lbs. but gained back 10, some is fluid in my left leg. I look scrawny and all bones and skin. And OLD. Yuk.

Health Update

Apparenly the infection that spread through my body over the summer and fall has left me with two or possibly three damaged valves in my heart. I met with a surgeon--a tough surgeon. He has given me 3 weeks to get in shape being able to walk without getting all winded, etc. THEN he will decide if he will take me as a patient. He says he does not take cry-babies and whiners for patients. So I have to get over my fears and face doing difficult things, possibly painful, during my recovery. I have a lot of friends (and their friends) praying for me to get through this. You're are welcome, too.
Love, Sandy

A 40 Year wait

I cried to see the crowds that cheered for our new president elect Obama. I had thought that the young people in this country were apathetic. How wrong I was, thank God.

I remember when they sent that terrified little girl into a new school to start integration 1957--along with the National Guard to protect her and carry her books. I remember when they bussed my own children to different neighborhoods to enforce integration. Some parents were angry, some terrified. I was not, even when a purse snatcher attacked me outside the school.

Later a black family moved into a house two doors down from us and the kids all played well together.

I remember MLK and his famous speeches about the time I graduated from high school and went to camp as a counselor. We were all colors of staff and mostly an assortment of races and backgrounds for campers from the poorest parts of Philadelphia.

That summer we followed the news of the civil rights marches and sang "We shall overcome" many many times as we walked and had camp fires, etc.

AND BOY, HAVE WE OVERCOME!!! Took a lot of years. But here we are--a multi culture society and getting along. With hope and joy.

I never understood prejudice. It must be based on fear. We must work now on our other prejudices, Gays and Fat People.

In mid-school they sent one mixed racial child to integrate there and most of us made friends with her and accepted her into our social life at school...as we later did with retarded children and a blind boy in high school.

It was the birth of the youth movement in the USA.

In the early 60's they sent us one black student and we elected him president of the student council. His girlfriend was one of a handful of Jewish students in a crowd of almost all well-to-do WASPS. We would have integrated ourselves faster had the adults set it up for us. They tore down the school a couple years ago. But prior to that it was mostly black students with a few white kids. Turn-about.

In hippie days we did what we could to tear up old traditions and change the country if not the world. Then we lost JFK and MLK and hopes were dashed. Gloria Steinham on Oprah said it best, it was if our future was taken away from us.

When Obama won the presidential election I was amazed seeing the crowds cheering and dancing in joy-it was overwhelming. I had thought, silly me, that the young people were apathetic. I am so glad I was wrong, I had thought, too that the Others were going to steal the government again and continue to ruin the USA via violating the constitutional rights of the citizens, and unlimited spending for rich peoples causes.

Just how much power and money do individuals need? Enough should be enough. And caring if others may have enough, too. It's not bleeding heart liberal, it's human nature and certainly ought to be a real Christian ideal. Love one another, did He say?

I was thrilled to see that the country has again been taken back by the people and we have hope again after 40 years of down-sliding.

And NOW a president in favor of the people in a democracy created by the people, for the people, and of the people.

All I can say now is YAY.

Sandy Schairer
permission to forward in full with credit to the author, n0 partial quotes please.

Back from the Dead

Hello. I am home again after 3 months of hospitalizations. I missed the end of summer and am well into Fall. I had a terrible infection that started in my spine resulting in two spinal surgeries and then into my heart's sticky valve, and then into my brain resulting in a mild stroke. Since I was prone and in a coma for weeks with my lungs entubed (and could not speak nor move) I have lost my muscle tone. So combined with that and my arthritis, I am having a bit of trouble rehabilitating... i.e.,walking.

I am still on antibiotics for another couple of weeks plus assorted days which my husband administers through my "pic line" in my vein through little nozzles sticking out of my arm.

I have a ton of pills, many of which counteract the effects of the other pills.

And thank Mother FatherGod that they got my blood pressure under control with only 4 of the 5 meds they prescribed.

I have a damaged eye and need to go see about that and still a heart murmur which may or may not be serious some day.

But I assume I didn't want to die and leave my precious husband Ed who is caring for me so wonderfully. I have been told by a psychic that he is my soulmate. I myself remember us being together at lease one other lifetime. She said I must have decided I could not stand looking forward to losing him someday and might have wanted to leave myself first. I don't know.

Now...I have been left with anxiety disorder which one of my docs said is more like post-traumatic stress syndrome. Yes, I think so, I cry when I am sad and I cry when I am happy, too.

So I am practicing typing so I can get back to my writing career.

Love, Sandy

My Birthday is Coming Up June 3

I am in a very strange family...part of the family is very close knit and closed shut and won't admit anyone in except, it seems, blood relatives. They have parties and go on adventures and then send me pictures of what they do...but they don't invite me. Or my husband, and he is a blood relative. They just had a great birthday party for someone else and sent me photos -- to rub it in, I guess.

Bizarre.

Thank God for friends.

I have some close friends that will honor me for getting a year older if nothing else.

Rain

I must be in tune with the Earth.

I get real sick when it clouds up and rains.

Aches and pains. Congestion.

And tears falling

Just like the water from the sky.

Clouds in my head.

I don't call anyone

On the phone,

I stay home alone

And wait for it to pass.

~

I am glad the sun has returned.

My joy and love returned this morning.

I am healed.

(I was always healed

I just didn't know it

In the moment.)

But this too shall pass, huh?

Just like the rain clouds.

[Sigh]

Traffic

I have another rant.

Those drivers who tailgate me in an attempt to make me drive faster...

When they get tired of driving on my back bumper (the speed limit--hint hint) and yank their cars into another lane at a high rate of speed, they see cars in front of me in all lanes going slower than I was. What do they want? They want me to jump over the cars in front of me? I don't see them doing that.

This is especially annoying in the work zones where NOBODY obeys the speed limits anyway. What do they think the slower speeds are for? Might it be for everyone's safety...including their own? I don't think driving over a highway worker would make their day, but you never know.

The big semi-trucks on I-40 are the worst offenders. They get so close to the back of my car that you can't even see their headlights. I get trapped in a rolling box of semi's and they expect me to what???? Fly???

Okay, another thing. Don't those idiots, who speed through the 35 and 45 mile an hour zones in city traffic racing up to the red light only to stop abruptly in the exact same place as the people going the speed limit, know that pushing on the gas pedal to go faster in between red lights USES UP MORE GAS????

Driving at high speeds, especially over the limit by 10 or 20 miles per hour also uses up more gasoline...it takes more gas to get the engine to go faster especially at speeds over 60 miles per hour... the amount you use increases exponentially the faster you go. (Look it up.)

So, you blankety-blank stupid drivers -- get off my bumper and do everyone a favor -- including yourselves -- drive slower and at least pretend to be courteous, and don't use so much frickin' gasoline, it costs enough as it is and it's becoming a limited resource. Where you gonna speed to when it's gone?

Thank you. Good night.
Sandy Schairer, Writer

Writers on Scientology

I know I'm trying to advertise my poetry and short story book on my blog, and this sort of rant might not be the best way to do that...

But first and foremost I am a writer. I'm a writer who finds ideas wildly interesting and has to throw her two cents worth in every now and then for the sake of keeping the freedom of thought, belief and written word alive if for no other reason.


First of all, I want to go on record as saying that the first thing a repressive government/society does when they set out to control people's minds and limit their freedom is to silence the writers. This is proven to be true if you study history even cursorily.

Secondly, I want everyone to know that as long as there are blogs and bloggers continually writing thousands of opinions about thousands of subjects, there is NO WAY the government is going to shut up writers in this country.

Not unless they pull the plug on the entire Internet. I think we are a long way from that. I hope.

Even then, we'll find a way. We can speak our material if there is no paper or electronic way to jot it all down. From our minds to your ears.

So look out--here we go--what was the topic? OH YEAH...

I listened to most of the interview posted on the web in early April of Jason Beghe, the actor who was a Scientologist for14 years, and left the organization claiming they drove him "fucking crazy." Well, he certainly proves his point about being crazy. He rambles and appears confused quite often.

However, he does have some seriously lucid moments and valuable information about Scientology or at least his experience of it. I find it amazing that he still speaks with the jargon of the training and mentions the concepts as if the average person will have a clue what they are, being concepts completely contained within the teaching of Scientology. He's been out of the church for a year already.

Secondly, I appreciate him for coming forth with some information hitherto kept in secret by Scientology. The renegades from Mormonism and other secret organizations have also revealed some of the more strange practices that had been kept secret for years. As far as we know, this type of disclosure has and will keep some people from joining organizations that by reputation have been allegedly preventing freedom of thought if nothing else.

Okay. So what I decided after thinking about Jason's webcast interview (or is that webcasted?) is: Do we -- as innocent bystanders with nothing at stake -- have the right to stop people who voluntarily choose to be brainwashed?

Sure, Nazism comes to mind first. If a mass of people are going to be brainwashed and kill thousands of innocent people, we do need to step in sooner or later in the name of human rights, and heck, just doing the right thing. We stepped in and stopped Hitler because he was creating a Holocaust.

Strange that when China and other countries have and are doing the same thing--purging their countries of unwanted peoples, we haven't done a damn thing as Americans. Hmmm...

In addition, we do find many people in our society showing up to be brainwashed by other organizations than Scientology that have our full nationalistic support...take the military for example. People join and go through training, much like Scientology training--not pleasant but necessary to get from point A to point B alive. The "brainwashing" of soldiers is necessary for national security and other acts of war -- umm, to protect and serve. We count these people, especially the ones that give their lives for the cause, as HEROES. I can't say I haven't known a few, some close relatives of mine, for that matter.

One would think that if anyone (even a brainwashed person, who voluntarily submits to cruel and harsh treatment) would sooner or later realize that they no longer wish to participate -- they can stop, get out, leave, change their minds.

We can still do that in America. At least for awhile.

(The people who relate this to an abused/battered woman who stays with and/or returns to the perpetrator time and time again, has no ability to break away, have a point. But unless she's under the bed wrapped in chains with lock and key, there are many opportunities for women and even children in these situations to realize their plight, desire to change it, and find ways out. Just watching ordinary television one sees the public service announcements about this sort of thing. It's not easy, but doable, help is all around. Go for it!)

I am not saying that these cults that keep members separate from the rest of the world & shut off from all knowledge and experience with other people and information who are taught that unusual things are "normal," should continue. Like those cults they have uncovered and dispersed in Texas (which still exist in NM, by the way.)

But who are we protecting? Are we protecting them? From what? Are we protecting us from them? How? It seems to me that we are protecting them from themselves. That makes no sense. (I would never condone child abuse and a secret, separatist society or organization within a larger culture is still subject to the laws of the land. I think having sex with children whether you perform a marriage ceremony first or not, is still a horrible thing to do. We must stop this sort of thing.) Nonetheless, the pain caused by separating mothers and children is real pain and hurts all of us, not just those few individuals who have to endure it. A solution must somehow be reached ASAP for the sake of everyones mental health and peace of mind, past, present and future.

As much as I am glad that Jason Beghe came forward and told his story about joining, participating, and then leaving Scientology, I am sure someone will attempt to invalidate his personal experience. After all, if he had been a big success--it's would have been because of Scientology (like he said) and since he wasn't, well, they can always point out that he failed because he is failure-material--not cut out for Scientology. He left because he couldn't cut it...much like the soldiers that get drummed out because they are cowards--not sensitive young men and woman who realize being shot at or living in fear that they will be shot and/or having to shoot at other people drives them crazy.

I don't have a conclusion. I can't see a clear "right" or "wrong" here. We can debate this over and over from every angle but we are definitely in a conundrum -- preserving human rights might require we violate human rights to do it.

Now what?
_________________________________________________
Aside: I haven't an information about Scientology. But I am familiar with L. Ron Hubbard who was first and foremost a science fiction writer. Doesn't that sort of send up a red flag when you think of people starting a religion based on his writings? I can't say Scientology is bad or wrong. I just wonder at their use of psychological means to educate their members while bad-mouthing psychology. Life is stranger than fiction, isn't it?

The Vault of the Poeteer -- Buy with PayPal

Book Signing at Hastings on Tramway and Candelaria
April 11, 2008
Those of you in Albuquerque come and have
The Vault of the Poeteer
autographed by the author (ME!!!)
in person
between 5:30 and 9:30 PM

Others can contact me at
sandyliz@juno.com
for information on ordering the book in the mail or
buying the book NOW with PayPal

Happy Easter to the Family

Nearly a year has passed since you had a stranger reject us from your MasterMind Prosperity group, and effectively, from your life.

While it is true that a person's emotional reaction to something IS their own responsibility, that does not let everyone off the hook regarding their own behavior and/or dealing with the results of their behavior whether it was intended or not. We are all responsible for what we do and pretending it has no consequences is foolish.

You said you don't have to feel responsible nor to apologize because you didn't "intend" to hurt me. But I felt hurt and your hostile reaction to MY reaction was even more hurtful and incomprehensible than the original action.

Everything a person does does effect others--in fact, "they" say, it effects the whole Universe, like a ripple effect of throwing a pebble in a pond. "They" also say that you get back consequences from your actions and attitudes, like it or not.

So those two factors would seem to point towards taking responsibility more than trying to "worm-out" of things with hostile emails telling me to shut-up, threatening me with even more hostility, and finally giving both of us the royal silent treatment.

Sorry, but those reactions don't seem any "better" than my reaction to being hurt and becoming sad and angry and consequently being forced to deal with it all on my own.

~

Not that there is a "right or wrong" at play here in Reality. There's just LOVE. So "they" say.

~

And quite frankly your love for us is just "love-on-paper." You send us cards and notes signed with love but that's as far as it goes. It's not love in deed nor in attitude.

Frankly, you don't seem to care about us, love not withstanding, about our lives and how we feel and how we are doing. We understand that message, but what is this payback for since all we've done for your over the years was done with an attitude of love, caring and good intentions?


It seems that you have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, as "they" say.


I might be only a stepmother but I did consider myself a real family member for the last 20 years, and I lament the loss of that even it was a fantasy in my own mind.

I might have overcome my feelings, forgiven everything, and returned to a state of love...


But that doesn't mean I can trust you with my heart.


Happy Easter anyway. Love, Sandy

Author Reviews of The Vault of the Poeteer

The Vault of the Poeteer
write SandyLiz@juno.com for further information

A Sample from The Vault of the Poeteer

Please scan down to the next post and see some of the poems from The Vault of the Poeteer.

Of course it doesn't show the wonderful photo-based artwork that illustrates the poems.

Definition of Poeteer: Similar to a musketeer. A poet warrior who runs forth into the world of battle waving the banner of poetry.

To find out more about the book and ordering a copy, please email me at SandyLiz@juno.com

Thanks, Sandy

Introduction

What is said of art can be said of poetry. “I don’t know art, but I know what I like.” A poet is necessary for poetry, readers optional. However, when a poet (or an ordinary person for that matter) writes a poem, she shares herself−thoughts & feelings, yes−but also a specific time and place with a specific viewpoint and setting. Without someone to share with, sharing is a misnomer at best.

A poem exists in the time/space continuum as a fixed entity. A person reading a specific poem will find it resonating with themselves in the exact same time & space and feeling & thought level the poet was in at the time she wrote the poem, much like a song. However, this makes a poem even more specific while at the same time making it universal. Poems speak for the poet and to the reader in a highly personal way, thus becoming more specific while expanding in relevance.

At any rate, poetry is a literary form as ancient as the hills. Bards of old sang poetry before people could read. It was their history and religion as well as education and entertainment. Poetic thought can exist outside of language, hence was probably used by the cave men − their pictures on the cave walls are their poetic language. We read their hearts, minds and souls when we view petroglyphs.

Just as there is art for the sake of art, there’s poetry for the sake of poetry. For all the wordsmiths, my fellow poets and authors, and people for whom these poems resonate, I give you my poems and heart/mind/soul − no longer locked in a vault but here to be read and experienced.

So, that said, enjoy these offerings from The Vault of the Poeteer,

Sandy Schairer

Poetry as Therapy?

I hope it is just not psychiatric "therapy"

That ordinary poetry therapy aims to be.

A poem is a feeling that comes from – ME !

I feel it, I write it, I change it, oh my,

But the words do come to me by and by

Helping me say what when I didn't know why.

All people are creative along with God Himself.

We can't just use our minds,

Leave our feelings on a shelf.

So get out there, open up and be someone -- yourself!

Therapy or not, write from inner grace.

Put the words on paper or out in cyberspace.

Ssend them out into the world to find their perfect place.

Write them on your own for yourself alone.

Read them in secret, on a stage or a phone.

Find where they flow from − blood, gut and bone.

Feel the rhythm, feel the words.

Yes. Poetry’s for people, not for cats & birds.

And it's simply not only for all us literary nerds.

~

Being Here

Being alive, here and now, sometimes hurts.

I wanted life to be always fun,

To be exciting and joyful,

Every moment 24/7, 364 and a ¼ days and nights a year

Year in and year out for my duration.

Breathing in beauty

Exhaling and starting again

Learning

Tasting

Chasing

Falling and jumping up

Again to run

Just for fun.

Laughter.

And seriousness

(When it’s called for)

But good, and real, and happy.

Where do we catch happiness?

Did we dream it up?

If so–what woke us and made it go?

Must we continue to feel pain and hurt and fear and anger

And --– no no no don’t make me say it --–

grief?

Me, Myself and I

When I see myself

Through others eyes

I don’t like myself

On their behalf.

I think maybe

I ought to have a really belly laugh.

But when I see myself, my life,

Through my own mind and eye

I love me.

I love myself,

The ever-present I.

I am smart

And I am pretty

Though now older and wrinkling.

Might be thick in the middle

But still sharp on top, I’m thinking.

I’m awake and I’m aware

I have feelings, too,

Wow. How I DO care.

My wisdom might be born of

Trial and error, true

But also of regrets

Yes, I’ve known a few.

I’m comfortable as ME now.

I’m glad I’ve gotten to know

“Me” as someone still willing

To learn, to love and to grow.

E.A. Poe: Poet

I used to love the poet
Edgar Allen Poe,
The way he had his sounds
All lined up in a row.
His clanging and banging

Of bells galore,
And a raven who sat
On the top of his door
And when the clock chimed
Would say “Nevermore”

I thought his hard life
Made his talents more sharp,
But his teenaged dead bride
Made his view sort of dark.
A lot of his problem was
Drugging and drink,
It drained his life’s blood
And beauty, I think

And now what’s a poet?
A silly old woman
Who sits with a pen
And tries to stay human.
Are poems ever read?
It’s all mystery adventure
Like Da Vinci Code
And works of joint venture.

So I'll bid Poe farewell
Go soak in the bath
And scatter some poems
On my own writing path.

Nevermore? Is That Your Final Answer?

Evolution?

Animals have very few questions to answer in life.

They have to decide

“Can I eat it?”

And if so, “When?”

Or, “Will it eat me first?”

“Oh, I hope not.”

And “Can I mate with it?”

And if so, “How soon?”

And a few other important things such as

“Is it time to fight,

Or can I lie down now?”

And the big one is always, “Where’s the water?”

Humans are much the same.

Only we wrap up all these choices

In multitudes of detail.

We celebrate every holiday and special event

With food and eating.

And tangle up our sexuality with

Traditions such as

Dating, courting, weddings and marriages.

And the ever-popular divorce.

But life all boils down to the same

Questions within our instincts

“Should I eat now or can I fuck first?”

(Or would that be “make love?”)

And always ask, “Must I fight or can I take it easy now?”

And of course, there would be no life on this planet

If we didn’t answer the question,

“Where’s the water?”

Regardless of how much fine wine

there is in the world.

Life as a Motion Picture

How elegant

Is our suffering.

We really get-off on it, huh?

Exquisite pain.

Watch me squirm.

Hear me cry and moan.

Awww, aren’t I The perfect

Victim?

I win the Academy Award.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Time’s up

Drag me off.

Where’s my next movie?

What’s my next role?

Any plot this time?

Nah.

Didn’t think so.

 From Eve to Me to Infinity

Eli Stone is GREAT

I just watched the new show Eli Stone with Jonny Lee Miller.

It's good. I love it. Please please everybody watch it so they don't cancel it. Please. GIVE IT A CHANCE...it's corny but so so right.

Miller was really good. The story line was great. And I love the metaphysical, mystical approach.

Good job!!! Thank you.

The Vault of the Poeteer

My new book is NOW available. Please contact me at SandyLiz@juno.com to own this book!!!
I'll let you know the address to write to me...author and publisher.
It's $16.95 by mail which includes shipping & postage
(and any tax applicable.)

New Book Coming Out

Soon to be released:

The Vault of the Poeteer

by Sandy Schairer

Original poetry and photo-based art

Christmas Celebration/Traditions: Christian or Pagan?

Some one forwarded to me an article that Christmas was getting too crass and commercialized and urged people to be "judgmental" and not participate. It stated that Christmas was a Christian holiday that was started to obliterate the pagan traditions.

WAS IT? (see this site: www.massmoments.org/moment.cfm?mid=369)

I think most of the Christmas traditions are taken directly from the pagan ways. They have little to do with the birth of Christ.

The above link described how "Christmas" celebrations were deemed to be too pagan in nature and were outlawed in the early United States. When it was lifted, people began to celebrate in the old traditions they had brought here from the old countries, adapting the pagan traditions into Christian Christmas.

Pagan traditions were incorporated in my home and family tradition when I was growing up...Yule log, burning a Bayberry Candle all night Xmas Eve, mistletoe, wreathes and garlands of evergreen (not to mention the tree,) cornucopia of fruit and nuts plus the individual stocking full of nuts and fruit.

Heck, Santa Claus is adapted from the Holly King -- a pagan god or at least a holiday Druid, we predates Christianity. (remember pagan and Christian lived side by side for several hundred years -- Christianity not taking over until about 400 or 500 AD or later in some places.)

I have always enjoyed the season without buying into the commercialism. I like to give people presents and don't do it out of obligation or over spend just to impress people. I like to make things for people or do something fun like one year giving all the adults children's toys and gifts. That was a hit.

I also like to get presents. Receiving a gift makes people feel special and appreciated. We have so few occasions when we give people gifts. It's fun if we choose to make it fun and put something of ourselves and our love and care into them. And it is gratifying to have someone remember you with a token of appreciation for all the love and support you have given them over the year. And vice versa.

I do agree that the commercials on TV and all the holiday special events are a bit boring and overdone. But that is not just at Christmas, it's all holidays now. Even Superbowl Sunday! It's up to the individual not to buy into the hype.

And it's also up to every individual to put the spirituality into an occasion in their own way (and be able to leave it out if they want.) In other words instead of just being outspokenly judgmental about it, people ought to just turn their backs on what other people do and/or try to pressure them to do and just celebrate individually in their own way within their own families with love and joy.

So Happy Christmas and Joyous Yule and whatever holiday you choose to celebrate this winter!!!

SADNESS

What is sadness besides a feeling? A feeling is sometimes an emotion, and emotions are movement of energy through your heart, head and body.

Sadness is the difference between what you want and what you got.

Sadness is longing for something you can't have.

Sadness is missing something you wish you had--still, again, or ever.

Sadness is being aware you're not where, or when, you want to be.

Sadness can indicate these things and also feelings of inadequacy or futility...based on a perceived gap between wanting something and your abilities to manifest it.

Grief is a stronger, more overwhelming feeling of sadness based on loss or accumulated losses. While it encompasses some or all of the above situation, it may also include regret, guilt, and denial.
~Sandy Schairer

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Coming soon--my new book--The Vault of the Poeteer, a look at my life in verse and photo.

October Celebration

I was lucky to celebrate Halloween for more than a week this year

Halloween--All Hallow's Eve, Day of the Dead or All Sou's Day followed by All Saints Day--the ancient spiritual holiday of Samhain from the Irish pagan traditions. Samhain is pronounced Sow-win.

I went on the Ghost Tour in Old Town (Albuquerque) on a Tues. night the week before Halloween, and found out about all the ghost roaming around in my town. It was exciting. (I forgot my camera. Excuse to go again.)

Sunday at our little Unity church, our minister did a Samhain visualization -- picturing our previous generations--parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and then our kids. Blessing and healing and releasing. It was very nice. I "saw" my parents youthful and dancing together.

Monday, my husband and I went to hear a local channeler Betsy Morgan Coffman who channels Orion, I believe. She had as her guest the local medium Melissa. They told us some true ghost stories of their own, and then took questions from the floor about the participants dearly departed. When Betsy told one woman that she saw her grandfather in a boat fishing and the woman said, no, he hadn't been a fisherman--I knew it was my grandfather Jack...he was from a long line of fisherman on the water--ancestors from Isle of Man and The Great Lakes and rivers everywhere, retired to Florida. He is fishing in his Heaven. God bless him.

Tues. I had a massage. How elegant. What a favor to myself!!!

Wed. Halloween, I went to a 12-step meeting and studied step 8. It was like a miracle, hearing from the other people who sounded like they were reading my mind while relating similar situations and sharing their strength and hope with me. It was an exciting gift.

I also went to drumming at Center for Spiritual Living Wednesday. It was me and a couple of other middle-aged ladies and a gay man who passion in life is MUSIC. He played the big drum LOUD. I had an Indian drum from Taos, one lady had a wooden drum--also Indian style, and one lady was playing the bongos! It was mystical. Relaxing. I wore my feathered mardi gras mask I brought home from New Orleans a few years ago. I was hiding from evil spirits on Halloween in costume. My witch costume, which I am in all the time. We drum for love and peace and healing Mother Earth every week. It was special that day.

I fell asleep early on Halloween night. And every day I went someplace I got to eat out...tons of salad!!! YES. I'm addicted to salad.

Thurs. I went to a presentation at UNM Continuing Ed: Celtic Ancestral Wisdom lead by Maya Sutton. What a fabulous bunch o real Bards!!! Dressed in authentic ancient Celtic garb, reciting poems and story-telling old legends, dramatic readings, fiddle and harp music and flute, they were wonderful!!! With a slide show of pictures and traditional refreshments for Samhain: pork stew, sliced apples, Rosemary on roasted nuts and bread. After the presentation, we all took part in the ceremony for Samhain at the end which was an authentic ceremony not a dramatic or educational event. It was very moving. I was glowing when I left.

Fri. my honey and I went to the movies and ate two tubs of popcorn! Now celebrating with food & over-eating is a very American Holiday Tradition, can't leave that one out!

Sat. I went to a poetry workshop and wrote some cool poems.

I think this was one of the best holiday seasons I have ever spent. Grateful for the harvest. Letting go of summer, looking forward to the dark and cold winter season. And being in communion with those on the other side of the veil during the very week that the veil is thinnest for us mortals.

Happy Halloween, Blessed Samhain, Happy New Year.

Love, Sandy

My Answer to SHUT UP

Family Trauma Unsolved

I thought I'd post my current understanding and lessons the incident last Easter has brought to me so far. It's sort of an open letter to my husband's family--namely his son and daughter-in-law, but since they are never going to see this, it doesn't really matter. They have closed their hearts and minds to facing this situation and/or helping us face it.

If you have had problems in your life with older or younger family members, perhaps this will be beneficial to your understanding too.

First of all it has been most baffling. We have always loved, generously supported and encouraged our kids not to mention helping them when they were having troubles in life, and their have been a number of difficulties. It was a terrible shock to realize that they can't seem to pull it together enough to return the attitude of loving & caring, and generosity. That has been a big disappointment to say the least. I realize today that kids are not grateful, anymore than they have ever been in any period of history. But I thought that our kids were different than that.

It's all centered around a MasterMind group with a couple of other people. The one woman was a close close friend of ours that we treated like a sister. She had been in an active social relationship with us for a number of years; a relationship that included abundance consciousness and prosperity thinking as well as financial and other support (we gave her a substantial loan to start a business a number of years ago which she has not paid back yet.) She told my husband about a workshop she'd been too, was enthusiastic and encouraged him to go. He took his son (who was working with him in the business) and his son's wife. The group was started locally to continue the growth and prosperity thinking generated by this workshop.

I was invited to come along with my husband to the first MasterMind group which was for the purpose of setting up the group and group goals, etc. I was surprised that they included me but I was very happy about it. I felt included, loved and supported and was willing to give them back all the love and support we all generated with this group. And I was looking forward to learning from them as we all advanced our business and prosperity consciousness and activities.

We had a couple of meetings -- maybe three --and I was thrilled with the power of the group. I was filled with joy to be in a close relationship of give and take with these people, especially our family. I was so encouraged I began to think about starting my own business (I am in the writing field and wanted to start a publishing company) even tho I am at the age when there is little I can really do in the employment area.

The group meant a great deal to my husband and to me also, since we are approaching retirement age and had very little to look forward to as far as new and exciting career possibilities, at least by ourselves. But this group gave us the loving support (we thought) to look to the future with expectation, excitement and renewed hopefulness and excitement. It was also, we thought, a way to be more involved with our friend and our younger generation in a more spiritual way.

What happened then was a big shock that we has still not understood or come to grips with. The stranger (to us) in the group called me the day before the next scheduled meeting and basically told me that the group talked about me behind my back, took a vote and decided to remove me from the group. I was shocked and devastated. I told her these were our family, even our friend who was like a sister to us, and we had a long history with them with support and sharing many other issues than just financial. Their basic bottom-line was they felt "uncomfortable" with me there since I hadn't attended the workshop. (Even tho it was partially my generosity that allowed them to go to the workshop in the first place.)

After feeling totally disrespected and rejected by this woman, I became angry. Now, I am not an angry person. I am usually a caring, loving, forgiving person who bends over backwards to try to get along and wouldn't think of hurting anyone's feelings on purpose. But this cut me to a level that totally enraged me. I think it had to do with having a stranger call and brush me off on their behalf without a word from any of them. In fact, I had seen my stepson several times in the days prior to this event and he didn't act like anything was any different. And I spoke with our close friend the night before this, and she didn't act like anything was any different either, never mentioned a thing. Basically they were ignoring the situation to save themselves further discomfortable.

So after this unexpected, shocking phone call, I simply said, "OK," and hung up. I didn't attack this person at all, altho I think she was instrumental in further developments and most likely encouraged these people to cut us out of their lives and handle the whole situation with the silent treatment; and possibly gave them the idea it was okay not to deal with the situation except from a self-centered point of view. I can't imagine on what planet that is good plan...ignore the problem and the person who is making you uncomfortable and everything will be fine? I don;'t think so. I don't think she has a clue as to how she destroyed our family and our lives.

Then my first reaction was to question my husband if he knew about this? The first thing I distinctly said was, "Did you know about this? If you're in on this, I am divorcing you right now!" He was as shocked as I was, though his son had mentioned to him (not me) that the group was uncomfortable with me being there and they were thinking of asking me to leave the group. (They could have come to me with their concerns but they chose NOT to do it in a kind way, not even face to face.) The point is, my husband and I were part of the group by then, and a group decision should have included us, not gone behind our backs in a cowardly way.

Now if you are not familiar with the MasterMind principles, you need to look it up on the internet and see the steps...they are basically having to do with sharing hope and spirituality with a group of other people to help them attain their aspirations and goals in life based on love and spirit. You would think that people who wanted to be in a group like a MasterMind group would be willing to extend their spirit and love.

The rest of that weekend my husband and I were devastated and heart-broken. He said at one point, he felt like he had died. It was perhaps the biggest jolt I have ever had in my life. Even with my ex-husband who treated me terribly it was not hidden and sneaky, it was in-my-face cruel from a sick man and I didn't expect better behavior from him. I always knew he was incapable of loving, caring behavior, and I was able to divorce him and not stay a victim of his abuse and lack of care & love. It's not that easy to divorce your kids and grandkids, especially when you love then and want to have a harmonious family life to make the last decades of your life enjoyable with love and caring family.

Next, I got an email insisting that these people didn't "intend" to hurt me, that they "loved" me. I didn't buy that, because it certainly didn't feel like love. I let them know that I was hurt and angry. And basically the whole situation escalated to them attacking me for having feelings. They think since they didn't intend to hurt someone, that they are obviously not responsible for the resulting hurt.

I tried to explain that even if you don't do something to someone on purpose to hurt them, you can still care about their feelings and apologize as a way to show you care. What if I had been hit by a car and had my leg broken? Because they weren't personally to blame for running over me, then they couldn't say they were sorry I was hurt? That's ridiculous. We can use any situation to show that we care about someone and their feelings no matter what we did or didn't do or how we did it.

They were unable to do that. When I tried to explain my feelings, I was continually verbally attacked (on email) by my stepson's wife and finally blamed, threatened, and told to SHUT UP.

I think this is appalling way to treat another person, let alone an older family member. It is a serious discrepancy between believing you are a loving, spiritual person and being unable to be kind & compassionate let alone spiritual and loving. How can a person reconcile that kind of behavior that is inconsistent with their belief systems? That's just not honest.

We were basically kicked out of the family, no longer invited to holidays and birthday parties--especially our grandchildren's. And the silence of the extended family members on this subject, while they say they care and want it resolved, has shown an unstated yet overwhelming support of the younger generation's verbal abuse and subsequent silent treatment of us.

If people can't see the need for a healing and an apology on the part of the person who was abusive and rejecting, then they are a part of that abuse and rejection. Keeping out of a situation just proves a lack of care also.

In fact, when I tried to tell my stepson's how hurt and horrible we felt, he and his wife took that as an unprovoked "attack" and used it for further rejection of us. I apologized to everyone for anything I might have said when I was in extreme emotional pain and anger because of my reaction of their treatment of me.

Their excuse is that they are "uncomfortable with emotions." So is that an excuse to force me to carry all the hurt and anger for the whole situation? My feelings go way beyond uncomfortable. And no one is able to acknowledge that. They take my feelings as an attack on them. Or take the position that I have no right to my feelings because they don't want to acknowledge their part in the situation.

I never even tried to force them to say they were wrong to want to have a MasterMind group the way they wanted it--just for the members who attended the workshop. They could have stated that sooner or told me about it in a kinder way, asking for my understanding and respect while extending it to me.

They weren't wrong to want something and to feel something and to try to deal with it. But there is a difference in doing something wrong, and doing something wrongly.

They could included me and my husband in a discussion by the whole group (of which we were a real part) in a compassionate way, asked our cooperation and compassion for them, and handled this in a mature, mutually beneficial way. Instead, they admitted that since they knew it was would be painful for them to confront me, they had the stranger in the group call me and tell me on their behalf because that would be the easiest emotional way to do it. Easy for them maybe. No so easy for us.

They basically didn't consider my feelings whatsoever and decided to put all the emotional discomfort onto my shoulders especially for reacting. So I get to suffer for the whole group of them, so they can be fine. This is what I resent the most. I am being sacrificed for the good of everyone else. No one on earth has the right to ask that of another person and pretend it's okay. It's just not okay. You can't base your feelings of OK on making someone else not OK. I won't work. It's not real. And it won't ever be over until someone takes a real look at it and becomes willing to deal with the fall-out from the whole thing.

So as a result of me venting to my stepson on afternoon (I felt he didn't have a clue how badly we felt and how this disrupted our whole life) his wife called my husband and told him that her husband wouldn't be able to work with him anymore. He wasn't even able to tell his Dad directly. I never attacked him personally, was just telling him how horrid I was feeling. I apologized to him for anything I did or said that might have hurt his feelings. Even though he obviously doesn't feel the need to apologize for anything he might have done or not done.

I later heard my husband get on the phone, crying and begging his son not to quit yet, they had a big job coming up and he couldn't do it alone, etc. and that he needed him. The answer was evidently "No." My stepson took several jobs after that working for other people, several of which he wasn't satisfied with. I guess it only occurred to his wife, after he was unemployed a while that she might be able to get a job herself, which she finally did.

Anyway, I never tried to convince these people that they were wrong to feel the way they felt, that they were wrong to try to do something about it...but there is such as thing as doing something WRONGLY, or in the wrong way. They chose to solve their own uncomfortable feelings by blatantly hurting someone else and then telling that person she had no right to her feelings of hurt and anger, and further rejecting her. And insisting that they didn't do anything wrong.

Part of this is the "new age" thinking -- that no one can hurt our feelings without our permission, that in effect, we choose to be hurt and it is 100% our own responsibility. That's only true to a certain extent.

The other half of that is being responsible for everything we say, think, believe and do. There are always consequences to everything we do. Being ignorant of that or insisting it isn't true doesn't make it less true. And we aren't off the hook if we are in relationships with other people because being in a relationship sort of means that you are willing to relate, to be responsible enough to be willing to help heal a situation you are part of in some way.

These people think they can heal the situation in their own minds by ignoring the fact they rejected and hurt us and acted in an unkind, non-compassionate way and then insisted they had the right to do that, saying over and over that they weren't wrong. They set us up to believe we were loved and accepted and then they pulled the rug out from under us and since then their treatment of us has proven that they didn't love and care about us after all. It was and still is a big shock.

And there are still long-reaching consequences. For one thing, the children (13 and 10) loved us and benefited from our being in their lives. We have participated in helping raise them and cared for them when they were babies and spent time with them going places and doing things that were enjoyable for us as well as them. That's gone.

We helped all of them over the years with emotional and actual activities of support in their lives. And now we are not able to do that anymore, and as we approach old age and all its difficulties we have no possibility of receiving any help from them with our lives. The in-laws that were also our extended family are not available to us anymore either. (We could stay friends but basically I am still grieving so much, I am afraid I would just burst into tears if I saw one of them in person. And I have been requested not to talk about the situation so they won't have to feel any bad feelings about it either. So I have to spare their feelings but keeping my own feelings to myself. Some basis for on-going friendship.)

It's like that book I read one time, "Do I have to give up me, in order to be loved by you?"

I am asked to keep my feelings of misery to myself so that everyone else can feel comfortable. I have to say NOT OK, so that they can pretend they are all okay, & spiritual and loving. I don't think so.

I didn't asked them to admit they were wrong, I asked them to care about my feelings.

And they said repeatedly NO with their actions, lack of action, and silence and in some cases verbal attack.

So, there are still far reaching consequences of this. It has definitely altered my husband's and my life. He can't continue to work the business by himself. So he has to downsize it or give it up. As a result we can't make ends meet anymore, so we have to sell our property, shop and house and find a more affordable way to live...this is property, houses and shop that we intended to leave to the kids someday...if not them, then the grandkids. But it's gonna be history soon. A house and shop that were my husband's dream and he built with his own two hands and planned to enjoy for the rest of his life with and share with his family. Too bad for everyone.

EVERYONE LOSES HERE. This is not a win/lose thing, it's a LOSE/LOSE situation for everyone. Too bad. It breaks our hearts and no one else realizes it or seems to care.

On top of that, we have cut these people out of our will and are leaving everything to each other. They are getting the same thing they are giving us...nothing. We have given and given over the years, not just to them but to others. I would hope that they could "forgive us" if we expected a little kindness back which is normal not pure selfishness. I can see that was stupid of us to expect the younger generation to be grateful for what they have received and to be willing to give something back. We have obviously been barking up the wrong tree.

And we are moving away to a place where there is other family that love us, accept us, and care about us and our lives. And the people who have rejected us are not welcome to come visit us there. At least not until they realize the situation they helped create with their unkindness and cold-heartedness and decide to help heal the situation some other way than verbally abusing us, giving us the silent treatment, and saving their own feelings of OK'ness for themselves.

It took more than us to create this bad situation, and we can't be expected to fix it by ourselves. That won't work.

Also, when trust is gone, it takes a great deal of effort to re-establish it. And one half of the participants aren't able to do it alone. It takes full cooperation from everyone. Cooperation that no one has been willing to show us whatsoever.

I don't know what else to say, but let people know that unconditional love can't be taken for granted when you do something hurtful to other people. We can love you and forgive you, but we can't associate with you as long as your unkind attitudes towards us stand. It's not just the past, it's every day on into the present and the future that we have been rejected and treated cruelly. So if you want something from us again, even freedom to cut firewood, please consider asking first and thanking us afterwards. We would rather be allowed to extend generosity not have it taken from us.

Remember just SAYING you love someone, believing in your own spirituality and lovingness isn't all it takes. Love and spiritually based living takes ACTION. Put your beliefs into actions. Actions speak louder than words. You can say you didn't intend to hurt us, you can say you still love us, but threatening, verbally abusing, and/or ignoring us not to mention telling me to shut up, is not a spiritual or loving thing to do. And the rest of the family that is ignoring this type of abuse, well, all I can say is, if you stand by and let a family member you supposedly care about be abused, then you are part of the abuse.

I can no longer be the person in any situation that disregards my own well-being so that everyone else can be fine. You all are not fine. We are not fine. And pretending it's all fine, is not okay.

Parents, while it is our JOB to give unconditional love and support, are people too. As far as I am concerned, you all are willing to treat strangers kinder than you treat us.

I forgot to add the most important part: Around Father’s Day Nic wrote to me telling me she didn’t realize that I wasn’t over this by now and asked what it would take for me to get over it. I innocently thought she meant it…she was willing to patch things up and offer to do something for me to help me handle this on-going situation--still painful and hurtful for me, even more-so in some ways because the insults are on-going, they are not over, they exist in the here and now, they still stand--the judgment, condemnation and unkind, non-compassionate sentiments towards me. So I said I would like an apology for my feelings being hurt. That is when she got verbally abusive, insisted she didn’t do anything WRONG. She told me that if I thought she was a bitch now, that she would show me what kind of bitch she could really be--in capital, red letters--I took this treat as a threat. She also stated that she didn't know how my husband could stand me all the time...and my husband loves me and completely sympathized with my hurt and angry feelings. He has his own hurt feelings too having had the rug pulled out from under him in his business as well as losing his family life with his kids/grandkids. Then she TOLD ME TO SHUT UP.

I would like to mention too that when I yelled at Daniel out in the shop, I was not attacking him…I said absolutely nothing blaming or condemning him, I was telling him how horrible and broken hearted Ed and I had felt. If he went home and told Nicole that I “ripped him a new one” and that he felt so unwanted, he was picking up on what I was feeling−that Ed and I felt unwanted and I definitely felt aggressively and coldly rejected. I was reacting to what they had done to me or rather the way they did it…the whole group…people should not do potentially hurtful and destructive things to other people without expecting to deal with the fallout. They had no right to expect me to contain all the misery, hurt, pain, and anger all by myself and keep them out of it.

They are a part of this…and being brushed under the rug like a pile of dirt hurts. If it was okay for them to feel uncomfortable why is it so horrible that I have feelings? If I made one of them feel unwanted by ranting about how horrible I felt, why is that wrong (and not something I did to them on purpose anyway) and making me feel not only unwanted but rejected, judged and condemned is okay?

Part of my life…the part where we socialize with family and extend love and receive love from relatives−kids, in-laws, grandchildren−has been stolen from us. I, for one, feel horrible on-going grief.

If I reacted badly at first, I did apologize to everyone. That's the difference. I was reacting not attacking. And I was sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Worthy Quote

"Tell my friends and those who love me to remember that life is what we make it, that every disappointment is just another opportunity to travel a different route, that judging another person mirrors your own insecurity and you better get over it because that's what will bring you down...that the present moment is really all we have and you better make the most of it, and that love, truly loving unconditionally... is all that really matters in life."

~ quoted author: Wes Vincent

Photo: By Sandy Schairer, Colorado Landscape, July 2007

Alas: Good-Bye to the E-Book Industry

I have not made a dime in my e-book career. My small e-publisher may be doing well, but I don't get paid until they get all their costs, which means I can get royalties after selling about 200 copies of each of my short e-books. I am rather disappointed since they are really good stories [published under my pen name.] If you save the e-book manuscript on a CD people expect to pop it into their car stereo and listening to me reading it to them. I might try that next, who knows? Although the type of e-book I do is really not appropriate for listening to while you're driving.

This article I found may help explain the problem. Sandy
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from the January 23, 2002 edition - http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0123/p01s03-woeu.html

Book lovers fail to click with e-pages

By Peter Ford | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

PARIS - The subject line of the e-mail caught my eye immediately as I browsed through my overnight mail.

"For the love of God, PLEASE buy my book."

I knew the book to which the sender, Claire Berlinski, was referring. Earlier she had e-mailed me, unsolicited, the first chapter of 'Loose Lips,' about a woman joining the CIA.

Now came the pitch: "Surely you were a little bit intrigued? Look, I swear to you, it's a great book. And hey: I'm practically giving it away. It costs way less than a double latte and a scone." For $5.95, I could obtain the Web address, from which I could access the whole book.

Ms. Berlinski has picked a tough time to self- publish an electronic book.

A year or so ago, e-books were being touted as the future of publishing: Paper would go the way of papyrus, we were told, and we would soon all be curling up with personal digital assistants.

It was not to be, or at least not yet. Over the past three months, three of the biggest e-publishing enterprises have folded: AtRandom, Random Books' foray into the online world, closed in November. IPublish, belonging to Time Warner, shut down at the end of last year. Ten days ago MightyWords, half owned by Barnes and Noble, switched off its website.

"We do not believe that the market for digital content was large enough to support a separate company," said Barnes & Noble, whose disappointing e-sales prompted its decision to ditch MightyWords.

Berlinski is not necessarily arguing with that. So far she has sold only about 100 e-copies of her book. But she has used the web to get around a classic problem for first-time authors - how to break into the publishing world when you don't have a reputation.

"You cannot get published without an agent, and you can't get an agent unless you've been published," says Robert McCormick, chief operating officer of 1stBooks Library, an e-publishing venture which works with a lot of previously unpublished writers.

Berlinski e-mailed installments of her first chapter to about 1,000 journalists, publishers, literary agents, and other people in the writing world whose e-mail addresses she found on the Web. A reporter on The Chicago Tribune liked 'Loose Lips' enough to recommend it to his agent, Katherine Robbins, and she has agreed to take it on.

"Agents are deluged with manuscripts," Berlinski explains. "I wanted to do something really effective, not waste a lot of time, and some wonderful opportunities present themselves with new media. I want to exploit them."

For some of the biggest players in US publishing, the wonderful new media opportunities they hoped to exploit with e-books turned out to be illusory.

"It is taking longer for consumers to grasp the technology than people thought," says Carolyn Brown, a spokeswoman for Barnes & Noble. "The price of devices is still very high, and there is still a lot of education to do on things that consumers don't know about."

E-books can be read on a range of devices, from a regular computer or laptop, through hand-held personal organizers such as PalmPilots, to custom-built e-book readers.

Barnes & Noble is still publishing some e-books itself, and bestseller Stephen King enjoyed great success with "Riding the Bullet," which he published electronically in 2000. Smaller companies, too, are doing well in the business.

Fictionwise, for example, which concentrates on sci-fi and romance titles, saw its sales jump by 400 per cent last year, to around 10,000 e-books a month, and "all we see is growth ahead," says company founder Scott Pendergrast. "We are very excited.

"It's still a small market ... not mature yet," he adds. "But for publishers that are careful with their expenses, we think it's a great market."

Fictionwise launched itself with sci-fi partly because Mr. Pendergrast is a sci-fi fan, but also, he says, because "we had the belief that people who owned hand-held devices would be science fiction readers."

And the e-publishing business tends to be doing well in such niche sectors, with a mainly male readership among customers comfortable using personal digital assistants in their daily lives.

That is not a profile that matches very many readers, however, which is why another e-publisher, 1stBooks Library, sells not just electronic books for download, but 'print on demand' books too. Under that system, a reader finds a title he is interested in on the website, orders it online, and 1stBooks prints a copy just for that customer, who receives it through the mail. This eliminates the risk and cost of publishing a large print-run of a title that may not sell very well.

"The reading public still likes printed books better," says 1stBooks C.O.O. Mr. McCormick. "But the under-18s spend more time in chat-rooms than on the phone, and we'll see the ratios change quite a bit. Whether that will happen in 10 years or 50 years, nobody knows."

Fictionwise founder Pendergrast says it will depend on how easy e-books are to read. "We believe the e-book market will explode when new hand-held devices come out with fantastic new screen technology making them easier to read, and when prices become reasonable," he argues. Such technology could be in shops within two years, he says.

Berlinski says she is a believer in the Internet as a tool for marketing and spreading ideas. "Whether it is economically viable as a medium for books, I don't know, but I am much less skeptical than I was a month ago."

Compassion and Kindness in America Today

In regards to the recent family issue, I would like to state the bottom line on it, since I have been told to "shut up" and that the lines of communication in regards to healing this collective situation are closed.

What happened: Some close relatives and a close friend did something--while not "wrong"per se, they behaved "wrongly."

I reacted to it in a severe way and exhibited some behavior--tho I was not "wrong" to feel what I felt (no one ever is) I exhibited my feelings "wrongly."

The difference is -- I apologized from my behavior.

I was upset and I responded -- I rejected their behavior.

They were upset and responded -- they rejected me as a person/human being/soul.

Lack of kindness and ability to respond to another person with compassion is a very serious spiritual illness. It is never considered "the right thing to do" in any religious or philosophical frame of reference, professional or personal.

But meanness in American society is on the increase, much to the detriment of our country and individual people trying to deal with everyday life in an increasingly hostile society. I will never find cruelty to be correct (or even as entertainment as current "reality" television demonstrates.)

For the sake of "harmony" part of my extended family and my friend who was like a sister to us, cowardly have to save face and continue to insist they did nothing wrong.

For the sake of harmony, I have to stop allowing myself to be a repeated victim of emotional abuse every time I try to open a dialog on the subject with hopes of healing the rift.

This breaks my heart over and over again.

The show of a lack of respect, especially for the older generation, is appalling. In my family I was raised in, we might have thought someones behavior was bizarre or silly or even downright bad, but we never condemned our own relatives and friends for being who and what they were regardless of their behavior. While we were not especially spiritual as a family, we had respect and a commitment to acting in a loving manner because we believed we were loving and it was the right thing to do.

I believe, if someone claims they're a loving, spiritual-based person, they need to act in a loving, spiritual way to be truly consistent mind, heart and soul. And when they fall short, even if it is unintentional--and being human we all will fall short--people need to recognize it immediately, take responsibility for the fact there are consequences to everything one does (like it or not) and do something positive to counteract it.

Ignoring the consequences that result from your behavior is not a thinking, feeling, enlightened way to resolve a problem.

There is nothing more I can say to these particular people without them heaping more rejection and/or abuse on me. I cannot put the initial situation behind me because of the severe and continued abuse that has been continued as a result. It's not just in the past, it's on-going and continuing into the here and now over and over.

My husband and I are living in a state of shock, heart-break and grief. So if you can't help us get over the pain of our loss of family, lost harmony and acceptance, and personal and professional setbacks: please, leave us alone. You are being part of the problem, not part of the solution. We will turn to the love and kindness of other sincere people and, of course, to Spirit to heal.

Love and Light, Sandy Schairer
Photo, copyright by Ted Clarke, Kalamazoo Michigan

Apology: A Lost Art and Skill?

What is the matter with people today? What ever happened to a simple, "I'm sorry," to handle situations before they get all blown up out of proportion? Why do people think they have to battle for being right instead of kind?

An apology is not an admission of"guilt" or of being "wrong" or even of being "bad." (Though it certainly can be--and if you're guilty of something bad, or merely wrong, speak up and admit it as soon as possible; don't try to justify it or make excuses.) Respond quickly with "I'm sorry," shows that you didn't intend it or hurt someone on purpose. How else would they know? If you just insist that you didn't do anything "wrong" that doesn't address the problem. It's like answering a question about emotions and behavior with a mathematical solution...sort of like apples and oranges...it just doesn't fit. "Why did you throw away the cake I baked for you?" "Six times 6 is definitely 36, and if you don't believe that, too friggin' bad. I'm right." What does that have to do with cake and hurt feelings?

So...an apology is a response to another person's feelings. If you claim to love the person, you will care about their feelings and be moved to respond to them and put making yourself right on a back burner, for godsake. You will respond with an apology if you see that someone is hurt and angry over something you did--even if you didn't do it on purpose or intend to hurt the person. If you hit them with your car because you didn't see them, you didn't maliciously hit them, but certainly if they were injured you would respond with concern, not try to make it all justified and declare they were at fault for the accident by being injured. That is all backwards. You can apologize for hurting someone, even if it was an unintended accident.

Saying the other person has no right to feel hurt or angry, that you didn't mean to hurt them, is the same excuse a pedophile uses...he didn't mean to hurt the little children, he loved them, they shouldn't feel bad or hurt or angry. HAH.

And this new age attitude that we are responsible for everything that happens to us, is just a way for crude, unkind people to let themselves off the hook for being nice to the rest of the world. More of the "blame the victim" methodology. Why don't people just realize that what they say and do can be misunderstood or it can directly cause pain and suffering for others. Things we do, cut people to the soul. We can gain our own peace of mind (egotistically at least) by making everyone responsible for their own hurt feelings. In my opinion, the joy and humor in today's world based on being mean to other people (especially on those reality shows and talent shows) is downright immoral, abusive and cruel. People may have the right to be that way, but they do need to realize the consequences that behavior has on others and eventually themselves. It is not funny for a judge in a contest to rudely tell someone who just sang their heart out that they "stink, so get off the stage." There is a way to be critical without being judgmental and hurtful. But if people don't seem to know that, telling them that isn't going to work. The only think I can do is hope those mean people are on the receiving end of unjustified attack someday so they'll understand how it feels and can adjust their behavior accordingly.

Arguing with a hurt person that they have no "reason" to feel hurt, doesn't take the hurt away either. It makes it worse. It's a flaming indication that your feelings are way more important than anyone else's. The question becomes then, not would you rather be right or happy, but would you rather be right or kind. Choosing being right regardless of everything else speaks loudly in it's silence. And it is not a pretty message. It is just sad.

Blaming a person after they respond to something you did, using it as an excuse for what you started in the first place, isn't fair. It's a way to make your own feelings feel okay again, not helping the situation or other person at all. So criticizing them or getting angry that they reacted out of pain and anger to something you did is NOT an indication that what you did was "justified" and they deserved it. Just look how they took it, they must have deserved it, right? NO WAY.

I am a very loving, supportive, forgiving, giving, caring person. But if I don't receive apologies from loved ones and dear friends, I am not going make all the effort to heal relationships by myself. I am not going to give out blanket forgiveness to unapologetic people. I am out of the door-mat business, so if someone wants to be in my life again, if they genuinely care about me and my feelings, they can show it the way I have requested they show it. Say you're sorry. I am not bending over backwards to do all the fixing and sucking up to others so they will "like" me. They can suck up to me and try to fix their rude, mean, unkind behavior. I am tired of being the one that gives up my feelings and consideration for my own well-being so that everyone else can feel okay and comfortable all the time.

SORRY.

Happy Birthday to Me

Dear All beloved,

I had a wonderful celebration on June 3, my birthday. I gave out "presents" to my MasterMind group at church of CD's (of free talks and music downloaded from a wonderful inspirational internet site, and yes, I did make a donation!)

Then I went to a party for someone who has the same birthday. And got to talk to people of all ages. It was a festival of love and joy. Wonderful. The husband of the birthday girl is recovered from colon cancer and back to his enthusiastic self. He's a sculptor in his medium of wood...a woodworker like my husband, he also builds exotic furniture and specialized in magnificient doors!!! Blessings on them and their whole family who attended---old folks as well as children. Now that's a real party--intermingling all the generations with respect and equality as well as love and joy.

This birthday gal is younger than I, but another friend with the same birthday day June 3rd is older than I --- he is proud and brags that he is 89 -- aiming for 100!! I think he will make it, too, and maybe beyond. He also recovered from colon cancer at age 79. He is a spiritual teacher and also teaches and practices Tai Chi!!! (See his celebration letter below.)

Best of blessings to everyone also born on June 3rd.

Love, Sandy

My Spiritual Twin Brother: Octogenarian Celebrates! June 3, 2007

Dear Friends,

Rick Cramer’s Birthday is today – he has reached the age of 89 (going for 100!), and wants you to help him celebrate it! His friends and students (of T’ai Chi) at the Senior Centers call him a “Role Model for Seniors”, and one of them quipped “89, and ‘fit’! – You must be doing something right!”

Well, “something” includes doing T’ai Chi and 2 hours of other exercise every day, I have eliminated ‘junk food’ from my diet in favor of more fruits and veggies, developing a positive (and be happy) attitude towards life. Additionally, I meditate daily, and do mental exercises. My hobby is making up “fun” quizzes – about almost any subject you can name. “Living In Today’s World” is probably the largest category. I call these “Generic Quizzes”. Others, of a specific nature, include: People, Current Events, “Where In The World Is ______?” (a favorite), Cars, Motorcycles, and Driving, Travel - any mode, any time, Nutrition (the latest in nutrition – phytonutrients, omega 3, free radicals, etc.), The Science of Mind, and lots of other categories...(He's sending the quizzes to select friends and awarding them some books left over from his bookstore which he owned and worked until he was in his late 70's.) Love, Rick

Photo by Ted Clarke, Kalamazoo MI, copyrighted

The Problem with New Age Philosophy

The Problem with New Age Philosophy

First of all…it’s not that different from old time religion−sometimes just the words change, not the sentiments.

Secondly, it is completely ridiculous that “you create your own reality.”

Oh you can create your own reality. If you know stealing a car is wrong, you can create an arrest and trial and jail time for yourself.

It’s the old theory of “facing the consequences.”

But let’s take a look at how people can manifest their health and prosperity and any other benefit they want in live.

To create your reality, you have to pick the right parents, be born in the right era and correct geographical location. You have to have immunizations and good nutrition (so look out if you’re born in a poverty stricken country like India or an African nation and are one of the lower classes.)

Your education helps, so you have to create some books and some schools (so you’d have to create a bunch of abundance for your country in case they don’t have any funds or don’t even care about reading and writing, let alone arithmetic.

Then, let’s see, assuming you didn’t make a mistake and were born in a war torn country and happened to get blasted to smithereens before you reached your tenth birthday, you can consider a “career” and how you can make a living in whatever environment you live in.

Of course, if you’re lucky to be an African girl you might run into some luck and meet Oprah who will fund your school, or a trip to American for higher education, and hopefully a family to stay with while you learn English and get a higher degree. Of course, you’ll want to return to your poor country and help provide education for other kids who were in a different boat than the boat you were in. (This is slang, look it up.)

Now, if you happen to reach adulthood with all your faculties and limbs in a more prosperous country like America, you can get a job and start earning money so you can “create” a prosperous life for yourself and your spouse and any kids you might create along the way.

You can probably create an education for yourself, a higher education if you know how to borrow and/or those parents you picked were well-off and agreed to fund your college degree and support you while you studied. For those of you who aren’t as lucky, well, the school of hard knocks is still available.

You can then create the wealthy lifestyle you desire from your spiritual inspiration, aggressive affirmations and your deep seated belief that you deserve to be rich.

None of the slogans of the New Age “create-your-own-reality” philosophy means diddlysquat unless you put the damn things into action. You have to DO SOMETHING. Usually, the same things human beings have been doing since the beginning of time in one way or another.

Praying, affirming, believing don’t work unless you add an action step and are willing to go out there into the world, face hardships and frightening experiences, handle rough and tumble learning and advance in the manifest world the best way you know how (and learn a few new tricks at the same time) in order to make something happen.

We can all pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. Abraham Lincoln did it. So can we. That’s not new thought or new age. That’s pretty old stuff.

Sitting around a candle chanting affirmations and new age slogans isn’t going to make it happen.

The truth is, there is only one reality. That reality is God − by whatever name you want to call him or her. Spirit. Universal Mind. Divine Being. Source. Father. Jehovah. Jesus. Allah. Whatever. This is not meant to exclude the non-church people and the scientists and humanists. You have your own names for outside influences or inner strength and personal power.

If there is only one reality, we are allowed to select our own perception of that one reality. We can see the glass either half full or half empty. We can look on the bright side, believe that every dark cloud has its silver lining, and Go for It! Nothing new there, just new words for the same old motivational stuff peppered with a more secular faith or mystical spirituality.

For an example:

“Take responsibility for your feelings. No one can hurt you unless you let them.”

Yeah, you have that ability. If someone hurts your feelings, you can choose not to feel it. Then again, you don’t have to be brainwashed into thinking rude, mean people are not responsible for being unkind especially when they then try to blame you for your natural reaction of hurt feelings and anger.

You have the right to feel hurt and get angry, sometimes you can’t help it, it’s a natural response built into our mind and body (think how much choice you have when someone cuts you off in traffic and scares the pants off you. Do you really think you can tell your heart not to beat faster and your hands not to shake on the steering wheel after you realize you almost bit the dust?)

You have the right to ask for an apology and then the right to help yourself get over it whether the clouts apologize or not. You have the right to forgive them if you want to, and forget the whole thing if you want to. You also have the right to confront them and argue it out until they see your point. Then you have the right to give up if they don’t come around. You have the right to say, “The heck with ‘em. I’ll be happy without them,” and continue on your merry way.

Your feelings about things are not all your responsibility. “Tit for tat.” (An old slogan, whatever it means.) People do bad things. We don’t have to apologize for declaring that those bad things are just downright wrong.

If people allow themselves to do whatever they want regardless of the effect it has, they really do owe it to others to grant them the same freedom, too. So you probably have the right to be mean back to them. It probably won’t make you feel better, but by their standards it’s not wrong. Except, they have double standards. Abusers rarely believe anyone has the right to throw something back in their faces.

The really mean guys probably won’t see the reality of it because they are too damn mean to see it, so don’t hold your breath if they don’t take responsibility and apologize. If they refuse to apologize by saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” remember that’s the same excuse a pedophile uses to get away with molesting little kids.

~~
AND, if they won’t stop hurting you and continue with the abuse, you have the obligation to yourself to get out of range and not let them do that anymore. You don’t have to teach them how to be nice, you just need to be true to yourself and your own survival and happiness.

If you don’t know how, ask somebody. While you are working on your emotions to forgive them GET HELP.

(To my writer friends, sorry for the clichés but they seem to fit the bill in this discussion here.)

Thanks, Sandy

Sobriety

Sobriety, however it comes to someone -- alcoholic or not -- is always by the grace of God.

But God can only do for us, what we are willing to accept and use. God can use more than one method to bring us to a point where we are willing to learn and willing to try whatever we can to escape the suffering of alcoholism.

Everyone has a different experience how they were given the miracle and gift of sobriety. This in no way lessens anyone else's experience of God and a plan for sobriety.

I would not like to see AA limited to only Christians or even believers. Many who are sick and suffering don't believe in anything until they come to a 12-Step program or some other God-given program and accept the help. Then they can, perhaps, recognize the Divine in their own way.

For instance, someone who says AA "didn't work" for them but finding Jesus or Buddha or Jehovah did work to create sobriety and a new life--to me that is the same thing in different words.

Turning ones will and life over to the care of a Higher Power, means surrendering to God (or Christ, or any other expression of the Divine) and stopping trying to work it out on the ego level.

It's like surrendering to the sun for light instead of insisting on using a candle & trying to do something all by yourself. (And if someone can do that, do it alone, that's great, too.)

Sobriety is a miracle and a gift. But we have to accept our gifts since God will never take away our free will. (By the way, free will and suffering may be the shortest distance to finding a lasting spiritual path.)

A lot of it is semantics (words) -- i.e., calling the same phenomenon and spiritual experience by different names. There is really no difference between "turning your life over to a Higher Power" and being "born again" or "saved" or "enlightened" etc. The point is everyone can surrender to the divine powers.

God would not turn anyone aside because they didn't call him by the correct name. God is pure love and joy and willingly helps "his children" to help each other and themselves through their experience and sharing.

My new photo album on-line!!!

See my albums of Egyptian Museum in San Jose, CA March 2007
and along the coast of the Pacific April 2007
www.sandyschairer.myphotoalbum.com

A beautiful Fall picture

Photo by my brother Ted Clarke in Michigan

Queen of Everything

Tuesday, February 20, 2007 (original post)

Queen of Everything

I would like to introduce you to one of my best friends, known as Queen of Everything. She received the nickname when she won the prestigious Parris Award from SouthWest Writers for the most active volunteer to the organization.

She is a poet and a retired teacher with a Ph.D. in literature. She is the author of Wishes in the Wind a book of her poetry published by Grandma Tree publishing.

She is an active member, still, in SouthWest Writers. She is also the unofficial leader of the lunch and birthday group made up of SWW writers that socialize a couple times per month or more, outside of SWW gatherings. She has been chair of the contests, the conferences, the Policies and Procedures, the Bylaws, and is still a member of the Board of Directors executive committee.

She also writes romantic suspense and is a long time member of Romance Writers of American and local chapter Land of Enchantment Romance Authors. She is currently looking for a publisher for her novels/an or an agent. If you would like to meet with her regarding publishing her books, please let me know!!!

She has helped encourage and education many aspiring writers, myself included, and she is very much beloved by her friends. Isn't she beautiful?

If you want more information on how to contact her or about her poetry/Wishes in the Wind, please write to me through this blog.

Thanks, Sandy S, Author/Writer

Posted by Sandy at 10:46 AM 0 comments

Not So Anonymous Anymore If I Can Help Someone

Monday, March 19, 2007

About The 12-Steps

Dear All,

I have a dear friend that I have known for over ten years. He was born about the time I was graduating from high school, so I have to admit I am old enough to be his mother.

I met him at A Course in Miracles discussion group. At the time he found showed up at the ACIM group, I was the only member of the group that actually came anymore. So I called everyone and assembled a fairly large group again so that this new friend might be part of it.

Later, when he had bouts of emotional distress, unemployment, depression, unreasonable anger, and suicidal thoughts, he assumed that the world (including me sometimes) were criticizing him and laughing at him and forces in the world were somehow preventing him from having a successful life. However, I stayed his friend and waited until he dealt with those things and so our friendship continued, mostly on e-mail in the last couple years.

What happened was that after I found help at a University Hospital Mental Health Clinic for one of my sons several years ago, got him a social security disability and mental health counseling and free medications (which he later decided to walk away from--my son's schizophrenic) my friend was watching closely -- not saying a word.

Much later, my friend thanked me for "showing" him that this type of help was possible and that he had taken advantage of it and gone for help. I was amazed and glad for him. After he moved out of state, he continued to do well for himself and continued with the federal programs and some state assistance for expenses and medical care.

I just emailed him a few weeks ago that he sure had made a lot of progress in the past few years, and he agreed.

Recently, though, he had some sort of flashback, I guess. Started out raging against an irritation in his environment (excessive noise at his apartment complex) and then went from extreme anger into unreasonable and severe depression. I was aware that he'd gone through this type of set-back before, and I was really concerned for his health and safety. I thought maybe his medications could be to blame or they were becoming ineffective, so I called him and urged him to call his doctor or the pharmacist and let them know how he was feeling, and that he (nor anyone!) should have to suffer from what he was going through!

[Incidentally, several years ago there was a scare that antidepressants could "cause "sudden suicidal thoughts. In fact, when I took anti-depressants for 10 months or so during the time I was having a some depression (probably related to change of life issues) I distinctly saw the warning on the pharmacy paperwork for that medication that said if you have sudden feelings of suicide LET SOMEONE KNOW, GET HELP, CALL YOUR DOCTOR. Even though the drug companies continue to deny it, a few people are still committing suicide while on anti-depressants. If it's only ONE person, that's too many, in my opinion.]

My friend didn't want to talk on the phone, so I just told him I cared about him and wanted him to take care of himself. This is what friends do and say when a friend is facing an emotional crisis. Care. Urge them to get help. Right? It's a normal and natural reaction. I didn't try to meddle or tell him what I thought was wrong, just asked him to call his doctor and have his medications checked. (I am no longer suffering the Alanon and Codependency symptoms of having to "fix" or "save" everyone! I have genuinely learned how to care about and to how help people, and have spent time as a home health aide and a hospice worker. I have a Ph.D. in holistic health for goshsakes!) I still believe in LIVE AND LET LIVE. Only, with another L: LOVE.)

Later that week, when I was thinking about my friend and wondering how he was doing, I realized that he seemed to have a lot of "symptoms" similar to the AA's and Alanon's that I have know, myself included. Even though my friend doesn't drink or take illegal drugs, he had a difficult childhood which is what Codependents are. So I sent him some information about Codependents Anonymous and the 12-Steps. I have always considered Alanon and AA to be "self-help" programs for very unique and independent people. It was sort of a "take-it or leave-it" message.

But the truth is, I think the 12-Steps are miraculous. I and countless others owe our continued survival and our sanity and our ability to live in the world now, to the 12-Steps programs. I still have relatives, a few of my sons included, that could use the 12-Steps but they haven't "hit bottom" yet, so the 12-step programs have been unable to help them yet. The 12-Steps sure are continuing to help me get through my sons' addictions and alcoholism and mental illnesses.

When I finally admitted I needed some help more than 33 years ago, I didn't turn to my parents to "fix" me or expect my spouse(s) and friends to put up with me acting crazy and depressed. (Well, maybe I could have spared my kids a lot of my early misery...)

No, by some coincidence, I found out about the 12-Steps and went to Alanon and a few years later to into the AA Program. I celebrated 31-years of sobriety of Feb. 14th. I'm not bragging. I'm grateful.

A coincidence is, you know, a minor miracle in which God wishes to remain anonymous.

The 12-Step program is a spiritual program, not religious, and not psychology but a program of recovery for the people that want it. Those who want to trade in their misery. (They also assure you, if you don't like the program, your misery will be refunded. Not funny.)

Most alcoholics/addicts would not be insulted if you call them alcoholics or addicts even sober or clean. In fact, you can call us just about any name in the book, and we will heartily agree. We were definitely those miserable types of things and more.

In the 12-Steps we learned to become teachable, became willing to change and be changed (important difference) and also became willing to turn our lives over to something greater than ourselves (in some cases the individual AA or NA or Alanon group, more often a Higher Divine Power some call God, or sometimes GOD just means Good Orderly Direction.) But through the 12-Steps and the Grace of God, we began a lifetime of recovery and discovered a life worth living again. Not just to be of service to others, but to learn to love everyone even ourselves!

So here is what I offer anyone who stumbles on this blog and relates to some of the listed characteristics and wants to find a way out of their misery. It works, if you work it.

Blessed be, Sandy

Alcoholic/Addict Personality Traits (that also include some Codependents)-- taken from the internet.

To gain insight, consider carefully this commonly accepted list of personality traits found in the Alcoholic/Addict person. These are characteristics that occur in normal people, but in the Alcoholic/Addict are exaggerated and uncontrolled. These things render Alcoholic/Addicts incapable of being at peace.

Low Frustration and Tolerance seems to be the most consistent trait. This is the inability to endure, for any length of time, any uncomfortable circumstances or feeling. The Alcoholic/Addict is impatient.

Anxiety that state which seems to exist in all people, exists in an exaggerated way in Alcoholic/Addict persons. They are subject to nameless dreads and fears. This anxiety drives Alcoholic/Addicts and Alcoholic/Addicts to "fight or flight". Sometimes this is called free-floating anxiety.

Grandiosity is worn as a protective amour to hide feelings of low self-esteem. In reality, although Alcoholic/Addicts nourish an inflated image of themselves, their deep conviction is one of self-worthlessness.

Perfectionism sets impossible goals with inevitable failures and resultant guilt. The Alcoholic/Addict is an idealist. This idealism may be one of the reasons for success after recovery. They can be exceptionally fine workers once the illness has been arrested and after the perfectionism has been reduced to reasonable proportions.

Justification Alcoholic/Addicts are masters at this. Justification is the science of arranging to do what we want to do, then making it appear reasonable.

Isolation and deep insecurity deprive the Alcoholic/Addict of the real generosity needed to make close and enduring friendships. They become loners.

Sensitivity exaggerates all the unpleasant interpersonal relationships experienced by the Alcoholic/Addict person. This inevitably produces extreme resentment.

Impulsiveness "I want what I want when I want it." This is probably related to a low frustration tolerance. In some ways the Alcoholic/Addict takes pride in this impulsiveness, as though it were a valuable asset.

The Alcoholic/Addict can't seem to enjoy a job or task and long before completion is already moving on to something else.

Defiance is a common response to society as a whole, whether the Alcoholic/Addict is under the influence of a mind-altering substance or not. This is associated with a feeling that one does not fit, exactly, into society.

The 12 Steps (click on the highlighted words for more information.)

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugs/people, places and things - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

For My Movie Review BLOG

Please go to www.sandy-schairer.blogspot.com for my movie review blog.

Thanks, Sandy

IN SUPPORT OF SUPPORT

In Support of Support

The various groups to which we belong can be considered, in today’s vernacular, “support groups.” In our writers’ group—our local chapter of RWA Land of Enchantment Romance Authors—we receive education, information, and encouragement individually and as a group, as well as the opportunity to extend these benefits to others. In this way, group affiliation illustrates the axiom, “What goes around, comes around.”

In her book Truth or Dare, Starhawk (Miriam Simos, Harper San Francisco, 1987) says “What a group does, says, believes, and how it makes decisions determine the way people within a group will interact.” In LERA we have an opportunity to share our individual progress and/or successes at every meeting, we add these successes to our monthly newsletter Lyrics, and we list our published authors—complete with photos and cover illustrations—annually in Lyrics. This creates a sense of accomplishment for the chapter as a whole as we celebrate each others successes. As each member shines in the greater community, the group also benefits.

Though LERA’s writers are not all writing romance, the writers who continue to write, to publish and develop a personal style all learn about writing from chapter meetings and publications, and benefit from the mutual support of the organization, including individual members. A close bond of friendship, even a feeling of “family”, has been created over the years.

Because we espouse the romance genre in particular, we are perhaps familiar with the earlier misunderstandings and prejudices that accompanied the romance genre. As we all know, romance is now the most popular genre in the world accounting for over 60% of the literary market. Dealing with these past stigmas and challenges, however, has made us more understanding of the challenges of other genres. LERA members are active in all sub-genres of romance including short stories and erotica, as well as non-fiction books and articles, mystery, e-books, screenplays, children’s books, and poetry.

Part of a writing career includes the challenge of marketing, so being a member of a strong writing organization such as RWA and a local chapter is an advantage, if not a necessity. Not only do we learn the skills of promotion and marketing to aid in our own writing careers, we give each other the support to meet difficult challenges at every stage of the writing process. We routinely offer speakers presenting topics related to writing and romance monthly, we present annual or biannual conferences, set up critique groups, attend each others books signings, encourage all members to share at meetings, and even attend book fairs as a group whenever possible, doing community outreach and pooling of our marketing resources.

When an author submits a manuscript to a publisher, listing membership in writing organizations carries a good deal of favorable weight. The reason, of course, is that the publisher expects the truism “what goes around, comes around” to come into play. The groups are excellent resources for promotion and marketing. As we support our fellow authors by buying their books, it’s not “selfish” to expect, in turn, this kind of support from our fellow writers. Simply put, if we purchase their books, they will purchase ours.

When we’re supportive of each other during the developmental stages of our writing careers, what better reward than hearing positive feedback from other RWA and LERA members who have purchased, read and enjoyed our books? It would be delicious icing on the cake for them to write a positive review and recommend us to their friends and colleagues. This concept of “turn about is fair play” can be a positive attitude and will work if we all participate in it to the best of our ability.

Romance is usually published in paperback or softcover and now quite often as an electronic download or CD from a web based publisher. The cost is comparable to a glorified cup of coffee and a brownie at Starbucks, or a long-distance phone call to one of our out-of-state relatives. So the “price” of mutual support is not the issue; it’s a matter of support and encouragement to ourselves, our fellow authors, and our writing organization(s.)

We can’t afford to overlook the benefits of belonging to a writers’ group. As part of the value of the education and support we’ve received (and given) we consider it “insurance” to buy our fellow member’s books, confident that they will support us by buying our book(s) when our turn comes to be in the spotlight.

As we gain support through, by and for our writing group such as LERA, the group (as well as the individual member) stands a greater chance of sustainability. As our group supports its primary purpose of encouraging, educating and supporting authors, it will ensure its own continuation. Just as the group values and encourages the diversity of the individuals within it, they, in turn, support the group purpose. In this way the group continues to evolve, grow and improve as it moves into the future, insuring it’s own ability to empower its members, the group itself, and the universal art of the written word.

__________________________________________________________________

My article that appeared in Land of Enchantment Romance Authors local RWA chapter

Lyrics newsletter.

The best "reader" feed-back

I write for love not money. I love my friends. Here's a comment I treasure.
______________________________________

Sandy,
I had no idea you are such a good poet. I love your blog. I laughed and I
cried and I saw your inside. Thank you.
Joanie

More on The Phantom of the Opera

Part IV


An important part of the media, is realizing the power it has over people's minds. Psychologically and even physiologically.

It's a known fact that music with a certain tempo (60 beats per minute) can put a person's mind into a mild state of altered consciousness. It seems to reach the mind at an unconscious or subliminal level, opening up the subconscious (perhaps) for easier absorption of stimuli and information.

If you know this, you can use this type of music to open your creative talents and write more easily from a subconscious level, if you happen to be a composer or an artist for instance.

But I noticed that certain songs from The Phantom of the Opera were subtly programming the minds of some viewers. Whether it was the beat of the music or the over-all emotionality of the movie scene, or a clever arrangement of words, this may explain why so many people were effected by the movie and the music.

Consider the lines in The Phantom of the Opera theme that the Phantom and Christine sing together (number 5 on the official CD.)

The Phantom of the Opera is now inside your/my mind.

So, getting hooked on the movie and the music and even the actor might have been a result of subliminal hypnotism.

They are certainly in my mind!! How about you?

Use the hyperlink on the sidebar to see Gerard Butler's Fan Website.

And use the convenient Amazon icon on my site to find the Phantom of the Opera movies, books, CDs, DVD's etc.

For information about the movie, click on:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0293508/

The Phantom of the Opera III

The actor Gerard Butler as he did NOT appear in the movie. He can squeeze my neck anytime!


Continued: Please read Part I and Part II first. Thanks.
~~
Of course, as in all good melodramas, the phantom runs off with the girl, but she's rescued by her true love.

Only there’s a twist in this particular ending. The phantom, after kidnapping her, gives Christine the choice of letting her “lover” live (there was only implied sexual attraction in this movie, no actual sex. As Jack Sparrow said in Dead Man’s Chest, “There will be no “knowing” here.) If she stays with the Phantom, he will not kill her true love Raoul. (If she leaves with Raoul, the Phantom will kill Raoul anyway and maybe her, too. DUH.) I will have to give the heroine credit for having a great deal of intelligence in reasoning this out. In so many movies the characters make the mistake of following their hearts when they know it will lead to their own destruction. People aren’t really that stupid. (Are they?)

Christine, loving Raoul, wants to save him. At the same time, she’s loved the Phantom for years since she was a young orphan. This love isn’t easily tossed away. Her compassion, too, comes into play. She chooses to stay with the Phantom, not only as “a sacrifice” to save Raoul, but she realizes that the Phantom didn’t really intend to be “evil.” He's behaved abominably because he's in dire need of love and approval.

She sings to him, “Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone.” This indicates that Christine’s love is a spiritual love. I believe, against her own better judgment, she had to admit she really did love him even if it is only as one human being loves another with human compassion.

She approaches the fearsome Phantom with his disfigured face just as he becomes exhausted with his own rage and confused desperation. And she kisses him! And he lets her. And he kisses her back.

(The lucky girl has an on-screen kiss with Gerard Butler.)

This kiss is what I didn’t understand in the stage play. In the movie the purpose is obvious. She chooses to show this “evil” man with a “suffering inner child,” compassion and unconditional love.

This is the Phantom’s undoing. You can read it on his face. You can see the battle that’s going on inside of him. The veil is lifted from his dark, twisted understanding…he feels unconditional love coming from Christine—something he has never felt in his entire life not even from himself or from God (whom he’s rejected, not vice versa, I am sure.) And he suddenly realizes that he could have had Christine’s love if he had not been controlling, domineering and murderous. His attitude of jealousy and possessiveness has driven her away! He realizes, too late, he’s ruined his own chances with his own behavior.

Not only that, but his heart is opened at that moment and he feels "real" love—unselfish, true, caring, deep inner love that Christine has shown to him. He can no longer keep her captive at the mercy of his possessive love. He truly loves her unselfishly when he allows her to leave and frees her to go with the man that's best for her, Raoul.

Of course, the Phantom (who never was given name in the movie to make him less than human?) is still caught in habitual self-hatred. With a sudden awareness that he's to blame for all his own misery in life, that it's not his deformity that caused it entirely, and the fact that with his talents and intelligence, he could have overcome his appearance by merely making different choices in life, he smashes the mirrors in horror. (Too bad there weren't 12-step programs back in those days to help set oneself aright, huh? Thank God there is now.)

Can you imagine the towering regret he must have felt when he realized that Christine’s love had been within his reach, and, with his own selfish, hateful ways he prevented himself from having that? It’s heartbreaking. (Reminder to myself: take Kleenexes to the theater on Oct. 28.)

So you see, the millions of women that fell in-love with the Phantom, perhaps were and are the women who have fallen for the “bad boy” in their lives—you know “the suffering child-man" who is his own worst enemy. They're the neediest, most pathetic of men that could be heros if only they would realize it, damn it! We women who have fallen in love with the wrong man, perhaps married him (and reproduced male children with him, for godsake; forgive me, world) and suffered for it, do understand the love for this Phantom character.

We have, like the Phantom, regretted causing our own suffering in life with our own delusions, i.e., thinking that the love of “a good woman” can change a defective man into what he ought to be and what he could be. (Forgetting that what he is and what he chose to be are out of our control and out of his own control, too.)

Most of us realize these things in life too late to fix the past, hopefully not preventing us from going on and having a better future, if we live long enough to become wise. (I know I have and I’m married to a wonderful, regular, ordinary, nice guy, now.)

The ring in the movie symbolizes this revolutionary story resolution perfectly. Raoul gave the ring to Christine as a symbol of their commitment. She's reluctant to wear it on her finger for everyone to see, because she’s afraid to let anyone know, especially the Phantom. Basically no one wants that happiness for her—marriage and family, except Raoul--and she wants to protect her dream. The Phantom wants to own her--body and soul--and the opera house wants to own her career and so keep her single and singing.

The Phantom appears at the masquerade ball where everyone else is attempting to hide behind masks just as he has done his whole life. There he snatches the ring from her. Only he can’t take away the love she has for Raoul—the ring is only a symbol of it. A hollow victory for him.

Later, he gives Christine the very same ring, and insists she wear it as a token of his ownership and love. She puts it on when she acquiesces to his demand she stay with him in the underground lair.

When he releases her, she returns it to him. The Phantom gave it as a show of power over her and as a blow against Raoul’s love for her, but when she gave it back she returns his love. This can be taken two ways—she hands his love back to him (refusing it) or she gives it as a symbol of her continuing love for him.

At the same time, when she gives the ring back, she’s accepting the Phantom's "gift." This is the ultimate gift her can give besides desiring, admiring and loving her--that is: loving her enough to let her go and be happy with Raoul.

At the very end of the movie, the ring turns up on Christine’s grave years and years later. On the same day that the Viscount puts the Phantom's monkey-music-box on her grave (symbolic of his surrender to Christine's love for the Phantom,) the Phantom puts the ring on the grave with his rose. (Red roses symbolize never-ending love.) With this, he shows his surrender to Christine's love for Raoul. Therefore, it's "a gentlemen’s agreement," after the fact, that they both loved her and admitted that she did, indeed, love both of them. (Again Susan Kaye's novel Phantom develops this concept a good deal more.

I have probably put this crudely, but the screenplay was magnificent with symbolism. It has given me much to marvel at over the past year or more.

When a group of individuals band their creative talents and powers into a collaboration and work of art such as this, the work becomes an entity of its own. It has a sum total much, much greater than the individual parts and even the group effort or final product. I believe this story is a genuine modern myth that will become part of our culture for years and years to come.

I would like to see it shown in movie theaters on a regular basis someday, just as The Rocky Horror Picture Show has become a cult movie showing, appearing in theaters for audience participation on Halloween all over the country. The fans of Phantom would LOVE to come to the movies at midnight, dressed as their favorite character and have a chance to sing and celebrate this exceptional phenomenon known as The Phantom of the Opera.

Thank you, all, for reading me. Best Wishes.

The Phantom of the Opera II

The Phantom of the Opera Part II—Warning: Spoiler

Please read the previous post first. Thanks.

Why millions of women fell in love with the Phantom…based on the movie with Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Many people disliked the phantom character. Let’s face it, he was a sly, deceitful murderer. He was disfigured and as mean as a hornet with his tail stuck in a screen door. He was also a talented musician and composer. He lived for his music. Until, he fell in-love with Christine. She was half his age, and he came to her as (what she thought of) as The Angel of Music that her father promised to send her from Heaven, when she was a child. (And even if you hated the Phantom, you must admit the performance given by Gerard Butler was superb. Thank you, Gerry!)

Later in the story, the Phantom refers to himself as The Angel in Hell. He was not an angel from Hell—he felt he was in Hell, having suffered all his life for the congenital deformity of his face, which nowadays we could easily correct with modern medical science. In those days, people perhaps believed that God was punishing the mother or the child for something they had “done.” Disfigurements were seen as a negative indication of a defective soul or even being “owned by the devil.” Even today, we believe those who don’t “fit-in” deserve to be teased and/or scorned for things that are obviously not of their own doing. This would echo even racial bias and prejudices that have plagued mankind for most of its existence, hatred of people because of their appearance, i.e., skin color.

The Phantom was an object of fear and hatred just because of his looks. In fiction, stress of physical appearance is indicative of a superficial value system—those who care more for appearances are, if nothing more, missing out on a deeper meaning of life, at least until they get their “Aha!’s.”

The Phantom felt unloved and unwanted, had the passionate soul of a musician, and the innate intelligence and creativity to make him a great composer. In the movie, we are shown a segment of his childhood that attempted to explain a few things, but could easily have been left out of the movie, especially since it does not appear in the original novel by Gaston Leroux. I urge those who see the movie, to ignore this scene if possible, it is not in the screenplay/musical either. A good read about the Phantom's life is Phantom by Susan Kaye.

As I said, Christine thought he was the angel of music, so she took voice lessons from the Phantom, trusting him, though never seeing him, and loving him because she thought her Father sent him (prior to the opening of the movie.) She shares the Phantom’s love of music, which bonds them together. They both have sensitive, artistic souls. (And raging hormones, at least in the movie.)

At the beginning of the movie Christine is a capable singer without an opportunity to show off her talents, actually being in the chorus line as a background dancer, or bit player. The Phantom, because of selfish reasons, plots to have her take center stage as a star. One of the lyricsis Christine singing, “I am the mask you wear,” and the Phantom singing in reply, “It’s ME they hear.” He wants his talents displayed in Christine.

At some point, the Phantom falls madly in-love with his “creation.” Here we have the Pygmalion theme…the artist Pygmalion falls in love with the statue he created in the ancient Greek myth. (This is also the theme of My Fair Lady the musical, too.)

However, as a recluse who hates people as much as they hate him, the phantom suffers from a selfish, possessive, jealous, domineering type of love. In fact, he hasn’t got a clue how to love someone, having never been loved himself. He attempts to control Christine. When the Viscount Raoul, the patron of the opera house, makes his appearance in the story as the good-looking, young, blond tenor, the phantom sings, “He was bound to love you, when he heard you sing,” he realizes that in making Christine’s singing so beautiful, he has basically given her to the Viscount to love. This is just one of the ironies that the Phantom realizes too late for his own salvation.

It is interesting to note that when the Phantom is wearing his mask, he is suave, handsome, elegant, powerful, talented and appears to be have poise and self-esteem. He seems to get a kick out of scaring people, which boosts his own arrogance. (He actually kills a couple of people in cold-blood, unemotionally, in the story, so watch out!) However, when his mask is removed, he reverts back to an almost childish stage of life, a pathetic victim displaying abject misery or overwhelming rage—both extremes of emotion. This would echo the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde symbolism, which has also been done in numerous plays and movies since Robert Lewis Stevenson wrote it. That book was undoubtedly based on a more ancient theme itself.

When the Phantom realizes he's lost Christine to Raoul, he declares “war” on both of them. But his helpless longing and distorted love for Christine will not be eradicated by intention. It basically becomes his downfall. Not because he continues with the "war" but recause his love cannot be escaped…well, let me explain further.

When he forces Christine and the rest of the opera house patrons/staff to put on his opera Don Juan Triumphant, he’s still under the illusion that he's in control of the situation—even though he knows deep inside that he's lost it and/or never really had control over anything. He has the power that he can “create” with fear--and we all know that people (especially in dramas) overcome fear as unfounded and illusory. We all know the tale of the softhearted monster being nothing more than a fake, for example in the Wizard of Oz.

In Don Juan, the Phantom hears Christine singing words of love that he places in her mouth as song lyrics only...so he knows they’re insincere. At this point, Christine has lost all respect for him, knows he's a serious deceiver, murderer, and controlling, over-bearing monster of a person. She's afraid to get close enough to him to allow the authorities to capture him, but does it anyway because she's a pawn in in the opera's and authorities' hands, as well as in the Phantom’s hands. All she wants to do, as many a maiden has desired for eons, is to get out of the spotlight and get married and live happily ever after. This is the theme of nearly every fairy tale ever written.

So, in the middle of this “play within a play” the Phantom’s real desire comes out at the end of his duet with Christine--he sings to her the love song that Raoul sang to her earlier in the story—only his words transmit his true desperation. Instead of singing the words Raoul sang to her about wanting to love her, protect and save her from her solitude…the Phantom sings of his own wild desire for her to love him, be with him, and save him from his solitude. Cleaver reversal by the lyricist!!!

On the verge of being powerfully attracted to him again (which we know is real since the Raoul has tears in his eyes while he watches them,) Christine snatches off the Phantom's mask and reveals his true appearance to the entire opera house. The Phantom was lost in his own fantasy--the delusion that there is a future possible for him and Christine together. He blames her for betraying him, hurt & cut to the quick.

Continued in Phantom of the Opera III. Next blog

Phantom of the Opera Part I

Phantom of the Opera—May Contain Some Spoiler Information

The Phantom of the Opera, original Broadway show, is coming again to Popejoy Hall, UNM, Albuquerque, NM, in October 2006. It played here two or three years ago. From what I understood, the set took two weeks to put up, was carried in seven semi-trailers, and took two weeks to tear down and repack for the next city. It was magnificent, the lake and candles looked real. If I recall correctly there was an actual horse used on stage to carry Christine to the depths of the opera house/phantom’s lair. Unfortunately, I sat in the very back of the theater and the actors appeared to be about an inch tall. I didn’t follow the story well, because when Christine kissed the Phantom, I couldn’t figure out why. He was supposed to be horrible and evil, right?
.
Also, so far back in the theater, I couldn’t see the faces and I had no idea how disfigured the phantom might have looked. Oh, another thing, were the characters such fools that they couldn’t see the slender, shorter phantom take the place of the tall, heavy opera singer in Don Juan Triumphant? But basically, the musical thrilled me—the music, the set, the chandelier that came to life at the beginning and fell to the stage during the disaster scene. Oh, what can I say? It made me laugh and it made me cry especially Christine’s song in the cemetery to her late father—it was all so bittersweet. I LOVED it.

I have tickets for Oct. 28th this year. I am not sitting in the balcony again! I have orchestra seats, even if the orchestra is on tape. I have already ordered a long opera cape with a hood, black with red lining, and am shopping for the perfect dress to wear with it. I am even considering wearing a phantom mask since it is so close to Halloween. And carrying a rose with a black bow and the little rhinestone ring that looks like Christine's ring (that's featured in the movie if not the play.) Heck, if the music is loud enough, and I'm sitting close enough, I'm going to sing along, since I know all the words to the songs by now, thanks to the CD from the movie.

I understood the plot much better after I saw the movie. My brother said he and his wife went to see it at the movie theater in Dec. 2004, and it was great. They loved it. Said the music was great, the actors excellent, and the settings mind-boggling. I was still thrilled with the play and didn’t go see it on the big screen myself, telling him it couldn’t possibly be as good as the stage play!

Ha! Was I wrong! I didn't go see it on the big screen, I rented the DVD. I am now considering buying a big screen television so I can see it lifesized. (Heck, I wish it was on Virtual Reality machine.)

Now, I understand, the whole Phantom of the Opera phenomenon is as amazing as it was unexpected and unexplainable! First of all, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Joel Schumacher wanted a young cast. They wanted to show this as a love story, a triangle with people young enough to show the passion and romance that they had written into and directed into the screenplay.

The movie was a bit ambiguous as far as marketing. A lot of people didn’t like it, some even told me they got up and walked out of the movie theaters!

People wanted it to be more like the stage play/musical, perhaps. Or they expected a horror movie and it wasn’t. Some wanted opera music and thought it had too much rock music tempo. Those that wanted more pop or rock music were turned off by the Broadway tunes and some of the songs, which bordered on the operatic. (Webber himself said he considered it more of a rock opera.) A lot of people didn’t like the Phantom himself. After all, he was a bad guywith serious anger management problems that crossed the line into murderous; and the character was portrayed perhaps as a sympathetic tortured soul, which turned a lot of people off. (Gerard Butler, the movie phantom, said he thought it was tragically sad even thought they kept urging him to play it "sexy.")

The most amazing phenomenon that couldn’t be predicted was the huge, vast masses of women that fell in love with the actor Gerard Butler. If you don't know by now, he’s a Scottish actor, former drunken rock singer, and actor in many B- and violent action movies, who did the whole Phantom (he sang not only his songs but his lines as well) in a broad upper crust British accent, which is not his usual way of speaking being from Paisley. And, if truth be told, he's really not all that good looking or outstanding as an actor. (For instance I saw him in other movies and didn’t even notice him.) However, once we fans got a taste of him in Phantom, we were swept away with his--what ever it is --"IT"--that can't possibly be explained by using the word "attractiveness." (What a mundane word for such a colossal experience.)

But I am one of the women who fell madly in-love with the 36-year old actor. Actually, he was only 34 when the movie was filmed, the co-star playing Christine being only 16 at that time. She was half his age, and therefore the illusion of the Phantom being much older than Christine was maintained. I thought Gerry was older and told one of my friends I finally had a favorite movie star that wasn't young enough to be my son. And she informed me that was sure wrong. (I have two sons older than Gerry Butler.)

There was something in Gerry Butler’s performance that captured heart and soul of viewers. He threw his own heart and soul (as well as his whole magnificient physique) into his singing and performance and it showed. He doesn’t appear entirely comfortable in some scenes, but he radiated a certain who-knows-what that just amazed and overwhelmed the viewers, some more than others!

Many women also fell in love with the Phantom character, seeing him portrayed as a suffering villian/hero who had serious psychological problems that could be forgiven, so to speak, because of his miserable life of being abused and mistreated as a freak simply because of a congenital disfigurement. As a result he was a talented and spectacular person who didn't know it, and had terrible self-esteem and an extremely big chip on his shoulder.

Actually, Andrew Lloyd Webber was a genius with this screenplay, putting layer and layer of meaning and symbolism into the musical and the character(s.) He went well beyond the orignal story by Gaston Leroux, which is good read if you happen to run across a good translation of it. It was written in French.

I rented the DVD of the movie first, then went and bought the CD with original songs from the movie that I play nearly non-stop on my car CD player. (I like to sing when I'm commuting on the long drive from the mountains to town. I guess the other drivers think I'm yelling at them.)

I then bought the movie and watched it a number of times. In fact, the first time I saw the movie, I back-tracked the DVD and played the scene where the Phantom sings Music of the Night to Christine in a very sexy, passionate, beautiful way. (Why are there no words that indicate something much more fabulous than “beautiful.” It was overwhelming.) I watched it over and over about 25 times. I thought at the time that it was the absolute best "love scene" ever put on film. At the end of all that, needless to say, I was a hopeless pile of melted putty in the Phantom’s hands.

In a later post I will explain the depth of the character of the Phantom and why he touched so many hearts, and how that occurred. Not to mention explaining why it made Gerard Butler, while still not well-known, a very much loved and exciting international actor.

End

An old poem

I found a poem I typed on an old portable typewriter. Good grief, you can't even get ribbons for them anymore. Thank God for computers. However, it must have been back in the early nineties when we first moved here and someone gave me an old typewriter because we didn't have electricity (or running water, or a house, in fact) when we first moved here. I didn't miss television as much as I thought I would. What I missed the most in our pioneering days when were first started building the house, was ICE CUBES.

Well, here i'tiz.

MODERN LIFE

We look for wisdom
Every night
On channel 7
We watch the news
But it's nothing new
We search for answers
With our remote controls
And we're all together
Alone
Forever
And still looking
We can't see the people for the crowds
Too bad
We spell life:
T.V.

Well, not really. But I was more of a cynic when I first started my writing career, less of a romantic like I am now.

By the way, I write spicy romances under my pen name. If you are interested, send me a comment and I'll clue you in. I have a short e-book coming out July 9.

Love, Sandy

More Fibonaccis

More Fibonaccis July 1, 2006 Sandy Schairer: Poet


One
More
Week-end
Over now.
Face the week and see
What will it bring besides boredom?
Being busy beyond human endurance, no doubt.


And
How
Many
Poems have
You written today?

Senior Power

Senior Power

Am I a magician?
Well…

I am very good at
disappearing things
I set them down and
Voila’
Gone

This results in me spending
Too much time
Hunting

I can look at things
And not see them too

Is the magic in me
Or them?

Home in Space

Home in Space

Beautiful blue and white ball
Earth
Rolling through the black crystal myst of space
Billions of dots of suns with
Invisible planets and moons.

Are you there?
Anyone?
Do you wonder about me?
As I wonder about you?
Up in your night sky
An invisible dot of dust.

Do you think, do you feel,
Do you laugh?
Feel you love and hurt?
Do you worship the same Gods?
Goddesses?

Are we really alone,
Or all one?
We shall never meet.
We shall never speak.
But we shall know
Because we answer
Yes.

My Favorite Actor

My Favorite Actor
Guess Who?


He’s thirty-six but looks much older
Thirty-six, but behaves much younger
Inspires in women -- of all ages
A mysterious sexual hunger

He’s Scots but Irish by descent
Smokes packs of fags a day
And when he was a drinker
Could really put it away

Once a law school student
Who wasn’t very sober
He sang in a rock band Speed
‘Til his schooling was abruptly over

His hair is dark and curly
Especially when it’s long
But when he cuts it all off
Doesn’t look all that wrong

He’s prematurely graying
But he’s still quite a hunk
And all the sources say
He doesn’t live much like a monk

His dancin’ drives the ladies wild
His voice works like a charm
And if he likes to shag a lot
Well, no one sees the harm

He’s an actor in exciting roles
He auditions for movies galore
But his millions of adorin’ fans
Want to see him star in more

He was Creedy in Reign of Fire
And Marek in Creighton’s Timeline
Of course he was the Phantom
And played Dracula one time

He’s rarely on television
His movies mostly foreign
His fans are anxious to see Beowulf
The long wait is getting boring

A magnificent master of dialects
This handsome muscle-wrapped man
Can do any accent he chooses
To the delight of his worldwide fans

Could use a good razor for a change
Or at least a closer shave
But nonetheless his style is fuzzy
Like he ascended from a cave

Fans hope for lots more movies
He can sing for us ‘til he’s hoarse
And bravely do his own stunts
Only until he’s famous of course

We fans yearn to hug and kiss him
We love his he-man might
And when we crawl into our beds
We dream of him all night


By Sandy Schairer, 6/28/06 ©

Dealing With It

Dealing With It
by Sandy Schairer


Truth
Quite a concept
Rushes at me
Without reserve.
Not ready yet,
For it, I raise my hands to cover my eyes.
.
Save me from life
By living.
From death
By living, too.
.
I move forward in time
As if it were a choice.
Moving toward
Old and tired or
Wise and strong?
That is my true choice, in truth.
.




June 20, 2006

Frogs and Goals

Frogs and Goals

Think
Of goal-setting
And
Just going with the flow

This way

If you were a frog
On the shore of the pond
And wanted to get to the other side

This would be your goal
Set this goal

DO IT

Now are you going to walk around the water on land?
Jump from rock to rock and hope there’s enough
And you won’t be stranded on an island in the stark middle of nowhere?

Or are you going to plunge in and swim
And hope the currents are right?
(A lot of frogs do that. We never from them again.)

No.
What you do is
You hop onto the Lilly pads
That just happen to be there
Go jump from one to the next
And jump again

Until you reach
Your goal

That’s life
That’s how it’d done.

Ribbet


                         Sandy Schairer
                         June 2006

Vanished

                              Vanished ?


     Joyous day
     
          Come again

               Youth we did not appreciate

                         Gone away


     Love

          Independent of form

               It takes what means it can

                    And blazes through it

                              Thank God




by Sandy Schairer
6/20/09

EA Poe Poet

E.A. Poe: Poet
by Sandy Schairer
6/14/06

I used to love the poet
Edgar Allen Poe
The way he had his sounds
All lined up in a row
His clanging and banging
Of bells galore
And a raven who sat
On the top of his door
And when the clock chimed
Would say “Nevermore”
~
I thought his hard life
Made his talents more sharp
But his teenaged dead bride
Made his view sort of dark
A lot of his problem was
Drugging and drink
It drained his life’s blood
And beauty, I think
~
And now what’s a poet?
A silly old woman
Who sits with a pen
And tries to stay human
Are poems ever read?
It’s all mystery adventure
Like Da Vinci Code
And works of joint venture
So I'll bid Poe farewell
Go soak in the bath
And scatter some poems
On my own writing path.

End

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Poetry: Insomnia Pays Off

Poem by Sandy Schairer 6/14/2006

Insomnia Pays Off

There once was a woman
Who just could not sleep
She drank cups of warm milk
And tried counting sheep
.
She tossed and she turned
Then put on the light
And went out of her room
And into the night
.
She descended the stairs
And wandered the house
Walking in darkness
A scared little mouse
.
Next day at the libr’ry
She checked out some books
With a stack of sixteen
She drew quite some looks
.
She read Mark Twain’s essays
And all about hist’ry
Romance and then SciFi
Of course tons of myst’ry
.
When her eyes grew so heavy
She gave a big yawn
And looked out the window
It was already dawn
.
She gave up on her reading
Books way overdue
So she turned them all in
Wondered next what to do
.
Getting some pens
And of course reams of paper
She began to write stories
Stayed up even later
.
When her M.S. was done
She switched off the light
And crawled into bed
Fell asleep, hoped she might
.
Her book soon was published
Sold copies galore
Up way past midnight
She wrote several more
.
Her lover soon left her
(Felt cold in the bed)
And found a young blond
To sleep with instead
.
But our best-selling author
Was rich past her dreams
Hardly did miss him
While riding moonbeams
.
Her book signings successful
With lines ‘round the block
But always were scheduled
Way past 9 o’clock
.
Only night-owls came to her
To get autographs
Her life was just wonderful
And full of great laughs!
.
The End
.
~Sandy Schairer 6-14-06
.